


AU!Septiplier: Safety, Jealousy, Pain

by KingOfHearts709



Category: Septiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, College, Depression, Drama, Fluff, Implied Self-Harm, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Rape, Sexual Content, Smoking, cursing, depictions of violence, explicit content, implied rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 01:15:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7019332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingOfHearts709/pseuds/KingOfHearts709
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A whole new world, Jack. What's going to happen to you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay!  
> First of all, I have been working on this for nearly a solid 3 months. This has been in the works in my head for a long time. I only just finished it earlier this morning and I'm now ready to post it. My friends also read it and they hated and loved me at the same time.  
> Secondly, YES. There is implied and depictions of rape in this story. Now, that being said, I will give you prior warning to what chapters have this, and to not read if you are faint at heart or it will trigger you harshly.  
> Finally, do not ask for more chapters. I will not write more chapters. Once it's all posted, no more. Nada. It's finished. You can write your own endings and continuations, I'll read them, but I won't write any of my own.  
> Now that I've said everything, enjoy this little book I've written for you all! xoxo

Jack eyed his packed boxes that hadn’t been touched quite yet. They sat in the corner of the dorm room, labelled as ‘stuff’ and ‘bedding’. He already unpacked all his clothes, but he wasn’t quite sure if he really wanted to unpack his actual belongings. His roommate wasn’t there yet, but he had been told that his name was Leigh. Maybe he should wait for him to get there before he started making himself at home.  
Home. Jack nearly forgot that this is where he would be sleeping and studying, spending his free time in his half of the room. It didn’t quite match the one he had back at his parent’s, which was literally all the way in Ireland. It was only now that he partially wished he could’ve somehow brought it with him.  
He had been ready to move out, to go and live his life, whether that was going to be at college or just in an apartment with a job. He didn’t much mind going to school for a little while longer, so he worked hard enough to get accepted into a decent college, where he guessed he’d figure out something to major in. He was going to start off with tech classes and see where that would lead him.  
It’s not like anyone at his high school spent any time to get to know him. That was what made him so productive when he needed to be. He had no friends to talk to.  
Hopefully, that would change. He severely doubted it.  
A knock on the door startled him.  
“Come on in,” he called, sighing and going towards his boxes, deciding that it was time enough to start getting settled in. The door creaked open and Jack looked behind him.  
“Hey,” the person said, walking in. “Sean, right?”  
“Jack, but yeah,” Jack replied.  
“Cool. I’m Dan, but you probably know me as Leigh, right?”  
“Looks like neither of us use our first names.” Dan chuckled. He had a long, brown mane of curly, wavy hair and some slight stubble that surrounded a polite, toothy smile.  
“I guess,” Dan replied with a chuckle. “Did you choose your side?”  
“Don’t matter to me,” Jack shrugged. “I was waiting for you to choose.” Dan shrugged back and went over to the opposite side that Jack was on, making the decision for both of them.  
“Are you from Ireland or something, then?” he asked.  
“Yeah,” Jack said as he placed various items on his desk from the box labelled ‘stuff’. “I figured it was about time to leave the nest, you know?”  
“Yeah, I got you,” Dan agreed. “Same goes for me.” Jack looked back again.  
“You have any boxes?”  
“Not yet, my friend is driving up here later with them. But you go ahead and put whatever you want on the walls and stuff. I’m fine with anything.” Jack nodded. “Nice hair, by the way. And gauges.” Jack ran a hand through his now fading green hair that sat on atop his head, then ran a finger across one of his small, gauged earlobes.  
“Thanks. Nice shirt.” Dan looked down at his fading Rush tee.  
“Thanks, man. My favourite band, actually.” Jack nodded in acknowledgement.  
The next fifteen minutes were spent mostly in silence as Jack set up his area of the dorm while Dan casually laid on his bed with earbuds in, tapping the air with imaginary drumsticks. The only time Dan talked was when he looked over and complimented Jack on his taste of posters or belongings.  
Jack laid down himself as soon as he was done, now only wanting to relax, maybe take a walk around campus later on.  
“I’m going to go get my boxes,” Dan spoke up after a few minutes, sitting up.  
“Need help?” Jack asked.  
“No, I’m good, I’ve got my friend down there,” Dan shook his head. “But thanks, anyways.” Jack held up a hand in a goodbye as the door closed.  
Looked like Jack was on his own again.  
He stood from his bed and reached into his backpack for his half-empty cigarette pack, taking one and his lighter before strolling to the window and yanking it open. He wasn’t sure if Dan would care or not, but just in case, he would smoke outside the window this time.  
He noticed that his window faced some of the parking lot, and watched as he spotted Dan walking towards a red Chrysler and someone standing outside of it, who Jack could only discern as someone with dark hair and a red hoodie. The two exchanged words, then reached inside the car to grab Dan’s boxes. Jack blew smoke out into the open air as he surveyed the rest of the area.  
“Hey!” someone called up to him. Jack looked to see Dan waving, which he waved back with his cigarette. The other person waved, too, before they continued into the building.  
Jack tried his best to finish his cigarette before they got there, but he was unfortunately too slow when the door opened. Jack hastily stubbed it out on the side of the wall and dropped the butt down the two stories he was before turning around.  
“Hey,” Dan greeted as he and his friend both walked in, each setting a box on the bed. “This is Mark. Mark, Jack.”  
“Hey,” the so-called Mark greeted in the same demographic.  
“Jack,” Jack said half-heartedly. He had a sinking feeling that they were going to ditch him, or at least that Mark was. Dan seemed okay with him, but Mark didn’t seem the type to mix with punk-like crowds, as much as he hated stereotyping. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t be able to handle being alone, but part of him really hoped that he’d be invited to wherever they were going.  
“We’re going to go out, so I’ll be back later to set up my area,” Dan spoke up. Dan leaned over to his desk to snatch up his jacket.  
“You want to tag along?” Mark was the one to ask politely. Jack eyed him curiously. Now that he could see him better up close, he also had stubble that defined a square-like jaw, and thin glasses that framed his brown eyes.  
“Sure, let me grab a jacket,” Jack nodded, then sat up to reach over to the end of his bed, where normally his vest would be sitting, except this time it was replaced with a normal hoodie that very nearly matched Mark’s, save for the logo art on the back. He took the liberty of snagging his cigarettes as the two left, just in case he was kicked out, which, he was fairly certain, bound to happen.  
He threw on his jacket as he stepped outside the door, following both Dan and Mark down the hallway, stairs, and finally, out the front.  
“We’ll take my car,” Mark spoke up as he approached the red vehicle, unlocking the driver’s side before unlocking the rest, Dan taking his place in front while Jack was stuck in the back. “We’re going down for food with some other people,” Mark added as he started up the car and pulled away from his parking space.  
“I’ve got no money, so I’ll pass on the meal,” Jack said as he leaned back, despite how nice food sounded at this point.  
“Don’t worry,” Dan said. “We’re just getting a big plate of stuff to share, so feel free to eat.” Jack shrugged.  
The rest of the ride was silent other than the radio playing various rock songs, which Jack assumed was due to Dan’s taste in music. Mark didn't seem interested, but didn’t mind when Dan sang to a few lyrics here and there. Jack stayed quiet, positive that any word out of him would result in disaster.  
“We’re here,” Mark announced as he pulled into a small restaurant’s lot. Jack nodded as he stepped out when the car turned off, waiting for the other two to lead the way.  
The restaurant was small and quaint, and there were ~already two other people waving to them from a circle booth in the corner.  
“Hey, guys,” Mark said, then moved aside to introduce Jack. “This is Jack. Jack this is Ryan,” Mark pointed to the larger of the two, who was sporting a generic baseball cap and, again, stubble, “and Matt.” Mark pointed to the other one, who had blonde hair, was much skinnier, and the only person in the group without any facial hair.  
“‘Sup?” Ryan said as Jack sat down next to Dan, Mark on the opposite side of the table. Jack shrugged.  
“Play nice,” Dan piped up, making Mark chuckle.  
“We ordered a big plate of nachos a little bit ago, so it’ll be here soon,” Matt said, tapping his fingers on the table.  
It was silent for a few long moments, which seemed to be the attitude whenever Jack was somewhere he shouldn’t be. He’d be lying if he thought it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t quite belong there, much less deserved to allow these people give him food and company.  
“So, Dan says you’re from Ireland,” Mark spoke first towards Jack.  
“Yeah,” Jack confirmed. “My first time in America, so I’m not quite used to it.”  
“How was Ireland?” Matt asked.  
“Rainy, I suppose. But nice.” Silence again. Jack was worried that he’d become the centre of attention, which was something he absolutely tried to avoid at all costs. He wasn’t good at being the centre of anything, attention being the number one issue.  
“Hey, Mark, where’s your roomie, anyways?” Dan asked.  
“Who, Barry?” Mark questioned. “Said he was going somewhere tonight.”  
“He’s always going somewhere,” Ryan laughed. “I bet he’s getting some sweet-”  
“And here you are,” a waitress cut Ryan off as she leaned to set down the plate. “Enjoy.” Jack had feeling that he knew what Ryan was going to say, but everyone else seemed relieved at his cut-off. Of course, it was for good reason anyways. As the waitress strode off, Jack decided to speak up, to show that he was one of them for the night.  
“Who can blame him?” Jack said. “No one can resist a sweet dick.” To his own relief, laughter erupted from the table.  
“I like you already,” Ryan nodded, grabbing a nacho and biting down on it.  
“By the way, where’d you dye your hair?” Matt added curiously.  
“Did it myself,” Jack said, reaching for a nacho of his own.  
“Mark’s been thinking about dyeing his.” Mark rolled his eyes.  
“Yeah, but only thinking about it,” Mark said. Jack shrugged.  
“I’ll dye it for you if you want,” he offered, which seemed to catch his attention.  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah.” Mark grinned and started eating, carrying on a different conversation with Dan, Matt and Ryan already caught up in something else.  
After ten minutes of Jack’s recurring silence, he took it upon himself to speak up once again.  
“Hey, I’m stepping outside for a minute,” he informed the table. “I’ll be back in a few.”  
“You mind if I come along?” Dan asked. Jack shrugged and nodded towards the exit as he stood up, Dan in tow. Jack was a little bit glad he wasn’t going alone, because he was sure that if he had, he would have bailed.  
“You alright?” Dan asked as the cool air hit Jack’s face.  
“Yeah, just a little hot is all,” Jack assured. “Do you mind if I smoke real quick?”  
“Go for it.” Jack pulled out his pack and a single cigarette, then pointed it to Dan.  
“Want one?” Dan shrugged and plucked one. Jack lit his, then Dan’s. “So you do smoke, then.”  
“Sometimes,” Dan shrugged. “I prefer weed, but whatever.” Jack found himself chuckling as he breathed out.  
“Mark and his friends seem nice,” Jack commented.  
“Yeah, they are,” Dan agreed after a drag. “They’re super cool.”  
“Yeah. But, you know... They’re good people, yeah?”  
“What’s your point?”  
“That I’m not a good person?” Dan was the one to chuckle now.  
“Sure you are,” Dan said. “Just let them get to know you, you’ll be fine.”  
“And if they don’t like me?” Dan shrugged.  
“Then they’re the ones with the problem, obviously.” Dan looked over at him. “I think you're pretty cool, so...” Jack shrugged, thoughts of doubt running through his mind.  
“We’ll see.”


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hair dye drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! xoxo

“Hey,” Dan greeted as he entered the dorm. Jack’s classes had ended earlier than Dan’s, but that didn’t keep him from staying inside. The room became accustomed to smoke and the stench of weed. It had been at least a few weeks after Jack had first arrived and met Dan, and so far, he had grown comfortable to the routine.  
“How was class?” Jack questioned as he tapped out a few ashes onto his desk.  
“Boring, mostly,” Dan said as he went to lay down on top of his bed covers, reaching for his second backpack he carried outside of class. “I learned one thing, though: That there is no such thing as bad knowledge to me.”  
“Is that so?” Jack found himself chuckling. He breathed in smoke from his cigarette again, then stubbed it out on his old carved-out stone ashtray as he breathed out. Something he bought one day down at a gift shop near his house. It was one of the only items from Ireland that Jack had an attachment to, other than his vest that he was glad he hadn’t forgotten.  
“It is very much so,” Dan replied, then fished out his usual plastic bag of joints he had. “Do you want to share one, considering you’re already smoking?” Jack shrugged and leaned away from his wall as Dan took one out, lit it, and took a careful, slow hit before handing it off to Jack, who did the same.  
“Thanks,” Jack said, and as he smoked, he had nearly forgotten what weed tasted like in his throat. It was a fond memory, as if the similar times in his room hadn't left yet.  
“Oh, yeah,” Dan said, taking the joint again. “Mark said he wants to dye his hair still.” Jack furrowed his brow.  
“Which one was he?”  
“Glasses, dark hair. Sometimes wears flannel.” Jack nodded when the image of Mark’s face flashed in his brain.  
“Yeah? When?”  
“He was hoping you’d dye it for him later tonight.” Jack smiled and laughed a bit.  
“Why?”  
“Something about an offer you made when you first met him,” Dan shrugged. “But I’m going back to see Barry for a bit later, so I figured I’d ask.” Jack shrugged carelessly.  
“Sure, as long as he buys his own,” Jack chuckled. The thought of Mark’s hair colour came to mind, which made him laugh a little more. “We’ll have to bleach the shit out of his hair.”  
“Yeah,” Dan laughed back. The joint was about a third of the way gone. Jack eyed the clock on his desk, counting until he could see that it was about 6:04 at night. The sun outside was only just starting to set, meaning that the Friday night partiers were going to start up their daily routines, too. Luckily, Jack avoided those like he avoided attention. Dan had convinced him once before to go to a party with some of his other friends - one of them was named Brian, he remembered - but he ended up bailing and going back to his dorm to sleep.  
He just sincerely hoped that Mark didn’t force him to be an extrovert like the rest of his friends.  
“I’m going to go down to see Barry,” Dan said once another third of the joint was gone. “You take the rest of it.”  
“Mark’s okay with it?” Jack questioned. Dan shrugged.  
“Yeah, I guess.” Jack watched curiously as Dan left the dorm, closing the door behind him. He guessed? Did Mark even know what Dan or he did all day?  
Jack looked at the joint he held after a few minutes, as it was starting to heat up his fingers because the light was so close to the end. He could very well take another one, just keep it to himself and deal with the aftermath of being super high and hungry later on. He sighed and, begrudgingly, stubbed it out on his desk that held countless marks of circular ash marks and burns from the times he had stubbed out cigarettes. He blinked, and for a moment, he had forgotten where he was and that he was supposed to be waiting for someone to knock on the door.  
And he slowly drifted off to sleep where he sat.  
Jack wasn’t exactly sure how much time had passed when he woke up, but he knew that he felt hungry and he was tired. But there was something else, something that gave him a tingling feeling in his stomach. For one, a blanket was draped over his body.  
For another, someone was sitting on Dan’s bed, and it wasn’t Dan.  
“Oh, uh, hey,” the person said. Their voice was deep, but that wasn’t what Jack was completely concentrated on. He was more so focused on the time and if he was really still where he was before. He checked his desk clock, trying to remember what time it had been before he drifted off. “It was about 7 when I came in,” the voice pointed out. The clock read 7:36 pm. So he had been asleep long enough for someone to walk in and wait for a half hour?  
“Who are you again?” Jack asked as he straightened out his back and rolled his neck back and forth.  
“Mark,” the voice replied. “Uh, Dan said that if you fell asleep or something to just wait.”  
“Dan said?”  
“Yeah, he’s with Barry.” Jack’s head swam with the information given to him. He knew he should know all these names and events, but he couldn’t place them. He recognised the name Mark vaguely, and something about dyeing...  
“Oh, fuck, I forgot,” Jack cursed once he remembered just why the other man was in his room. “I was supposed to dye your hair, right?”  
“Uh, if you still want to,” Mark said. Jack focused on him. He was dressed in blue flannel, and he had a plastic bag sat next to him, most likely filled with hair products. “Dan said you were smoking earlier, so if it’s not a good time...”  
“Dan said, Dan said...,” Jack mumbled, laughing as he sat up. “Dan says a lot of things. You know, it depends on you, I mean...” Jack shrugged his shoulders unknowingly.  
“It’s okay, I guess... If you want me to come back later, I can, but if we can do it now, then...” Jack searched Mark’s face for worry or perhaps doubt, but when he found nothing but tinges of hope, he shrugged.  
“Okay, we’ll get started in a bit,” Jack said. “I need to grab a snack, so you can just put the stuff on my bed.”  
“We can go out to eat, if you want.”  
“Nah, I’ll live, I think.” Jack reached into the mini-fridge that he and Dan pooled in together to get, which proved to be a good investment to hold alcohol and occasionally ice cream. Dan, despite Jack’s Irish stereotypes, was a heavier drinker than him. Jack lazily reached in and felt his hand grasp around some kind of popsicle, and to his luck, he found it was strawberry flavoured. “Want one?” he asked Mark behind him.  
“Yeah, sure,” he replied, and jumped at the sudden noise of a popsicle landing next to him on the bed. Jack spun around to watch Mark as they both spent silence together eating until each of them were nearly finished.  
“Alright, so, what colours did you bring?” Jack asked as he tossed his stick towards the trash, narrowly missing.  
“I brought a few,” Mark said as he pulled them from the bag. “Purple, red, green, blue.”  
“You want all those colours?”  
“Maybe, I don’t know.” Mark chuckled.  
“You know that we’re going to have to bleach your hair to shit, right?” Mark nodded with a grin.  
“Yeah, Dan said something like that. He also said to leave him the blue if I didn’t use it.” Jack smiled.  
“You brought bleach, though, right?” Mark brandished the solution.  
“Right here. I was thinking I should leave the sides, though, and just do the top.” Jack ran a hand through his.  
“What, like mine?” he asked. Mark looked back at him fully now.  
“Yeah, like yours, I guess.” Jack clapped his hands together.  
“Well, let’s get started, then.”  
In the next half an hour, Jack learned a few things. The first were things about Mark. Becoming an engineer, liked video games, met Dan online and it brought him to where he was now. The second was that Mark’s hair was way too soft. He very nearly regret putting bleach in it because he knew it would ruin that softness instantly. Surprisingly, Mark’s scalp was impervious to the burning of the bleach.  
Third and final, Mark was just so...nice. To him, too, for that matter. Back in Ireland, Jack found himself alone more often than not, and when he was out with others, half the time he didn’t enjoy it. No one called him Jack the way Mark did, either. Coming to America, to this college, to actually be called what he wanted and be told hello by someone every day was an exciting and new experience for him. Now that he was spending his Friday night dyeing Mark’s hair while having pleasant conversation, he began to wonder if he would ever miss Ireland again.  
“You alright?” Mark asked suddenly. “You went quiet.” Jack shrugged as he ran a comb through more strands of the now-yellowing hair.  
“Just thinking,” he said before he pulled away. “You need some sellotape on there now so you don’t go putting bleach on everything.”  
“What’s sellotape?”  
“Basically plastic wrap.” Mark held up a hand and stood to reach over to the bed and grab exactly that, handing it to Jack.  
“What’re you thinking about?” Mark inquired as Jack wrapped the plastic around Mark’s head, careful to cover all the bleaching hair.  
“Just stuff,” Jack decided. “Like the fact that I’m spending Friday dyeing your mane.” Mark laughed.  
“My mane?”  
“Yeah. It’s real soft, don’t know why you’d ruin that with bleach.” Mark shrugged as he felt Jack’s hands pull away.  
“I guess I just kind of felt like a change or something.” Jack’s eyes crinkled as he let out a chuckle.  
“And you thought me dyeing your hair, out of all people, was the best plan?” Mark shrugged again as he laughed.  
“Well, I didn’t plan on paying for it, so you were my first option. I’ve never dyed hair in my life, I was afraid of screwing up and... I don’t know, dyeing my eyebrow or something.” Jack laughed more at that thought. Mark with some bright coloured eyebrows seemed funny.  
“Well, in light of that, we’ve got a half hour to kill before we pull that tape off, so what’s on the menu?” Mark opened his mouth to say something, but covered it up with laughter instead.  
“I don’t know,” he shrugged. Jack knew fairly well what had run through Mark’s mind for about three seconds before hesitation, so being who he was, he said it for him.  
“I’m always the best meal, if you must know,” Jack shrugged with only a smirk. To his satisfaction, he had earned a blush from Mark.  
“I think I’ll save that for later,” Mark said through giggles. Jack simply laughed along with him.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! xoxo

After a little over a half hour, or maybe it was a little under, seeing as it was late and neither person was keeping track of time, Jack snapped his fingers.  
“Alright, alright,” he said, standing up from where he sat, stopping their current conversational rant. “Time to wash that hair-killer out.” Mark looked up, seeing only a sliver of blonde that had escaped the plastic cover hang near his eyes. He stood with Jack and followed him towards the bathroom, seeing as both Dan and Jack were fortunate enough to have a dorm room with one attached, even though Dan was the one to convince whoever to have it. He had said it’d be better for the both of them in case of an emergency, whatever that entailed. He was the one that used it the most, anyways.  
Jack turned on the shower head and unattached it, directing the water off to the drain as he sat down on his feet.  
“Get your shirt off,” Jack said. “Unless you’re trying to win the wet t-shirt contest.” Mark laughed as he unbuttoned the front of his flannel, slipping it off before kneeling down. “Under the water, and cover your eyes.” Mark did as told. Jack, carefully, peeled off the plastic and tossed it onto a towel before he ran the warm water through Mark’s hair.  
“Holy shit- That’s, like, the best feeling ever,” Mark sighed as he let himself relax.  
“What is?” Jack asked.  
“The bleach being replaced with water. I feel like someone just covered me in roses or something.” Jack chuckled.  
“Despite how often I’ve dyed my hair, I still do love that feeling.”  
“How many times have you dyed your hair?” Jack sighed exaggeratedly.  
“Oh, God, we’ll be here forever if I try to remember all that,” he laughed.  
“Go for it, I’m not leaving anytime soon.” Jack bit the inside of his cheek.  
“Well, let’s see...,” Jack said as he saw the water run mostly clean, so he ran his fingers through Mark’s hair to get the hidden spots. “I first did it at...fourteen? Red hair, then I did blue, orange, and then purple... I had some kind of rainbow, I think, around sixteen.”  
“Orange?”  
“Yeah, orange. But, I mean, I’ve been sticking with green for a while, mostly because I don't feel I need to do anything different.”  
“You won’t change it?” Jack shrugged, despite that Mark couldn’t see him.  
“I wouldn’t mind changing it, no, I just don't.” Jack reached over, turning off the water. “Don’t move yet.” He reached over to grab a towel. “Ready?”  
“For what-” Mark was about to ask until Jack started to dry his hair with the towel, catching him off guard and making him omit a surprised chuckle. Jack laughed back in response as he continued for a few more moments until he allowed Mark control.  
“Go on and look now, it won’t be like this for long,” Jack nodded to the mirror. He watched as Mark stood up quickly to rush and admire his new blonde hair. He ran hands through it, and reached around the sink for a brush. He paused hesitantly when his hand collided with something, something orange, as he looked down.  
“This is...,” Mark said, then composed himself as he turned his attention back to the mirror. “This is great, I almost don’t want to change it.” Jack had his own hesitation, one on whether or not to ask Mark if he was okay, the other being what it was Mark didn’t like. It was obvious something had rattled him on the sink counter, but he decided to ignore it and smile.  
“That’s great,” Jack grinned. “You want to look at colours, then?” Mark nodded, passing him out of the bathroom and back to the room, where he sat down on the bed. Jack continued to ignore Mark’s sudden discomfort, mostly because he knew that if he paid attention to it, it would have bothered him the rest of the night. It was something best left alone, and hopefully asked about later.  
“Why don’t you dye your hair with me now?” Mark asked. Jack shrugged.  
“We are here for your hair, though, aren’t we?” Jack teased. “Plus, it’s your hair dye, along with your money you spent on it.”  
“Yeah, and who just managed to bleach my hair and not kill me?” Mark seemed to have forgotten about the incident, his normal persona showing itself once again.  
“The truth hurts, doesn’t it?” Jack surveyed the colour containers. “Green is my colour, but I’m going to change that up this time. So we’re left with red, blue, and purple.” Jack looked at Mark. “You get first pick for your own head.”  
“I want to do all of them, but I don’t even know if that’ll work.” Jack shook his head, thinking for a moment before coming to an idea.  
“Tell you what, Mark. We’ll use all of them, on both of us. That way, there are no decisions.” Mark paused, thinking. Jack hadn’t done multiple colours for a long time, which was usually just him dipping a brush in every single container randomly and letting a glob run down his hair.  
“That’s what you want to do?” Mark asked.  
“Is it something you want to do?” Jack countered. Mark shrugged. “You’ll have to do my hair, then.” Mark grinned at that thought.  
“You don’t want to bleach yours again?” Jack shook his head, shrugging.  
“It’s faded enough to dye over. Besides, I have to show you my swirly, rainbow technique thing.”  
“Yeah, sure,” Mark nodded, reaching over to grab the dyes. “Me first?” Jack nodded.  
“Yeah, and let’s go on to the mirror in the bathroom so you can see what I’m doing.” Mark tensed very slightly, though it was hard to tell. Jack was still unsure as to why Mark was so tentative in going into the bathroom now, but he knew it was something he saw on the counter. He still wasn’t going to ask, he was going to leave it alone.  
“Yeah, sure,” Mark ended up saying, carrying the dyes to the bathroom with Jack in tow.  
“You alright?” Jack asked, just to make sure.  
“Yeah, fine, I just...,” Mark paused, then forced out, “Kind of excited for this, but still nervous. Big change.”  
“Yeah, I felt the same way, I suppose.” Mark stood in front of the mirror, looking at himself again. Jack saw himself beside him. It couldn’t have been any more nice than seeing him standing next to someone like Mark. He seemed far too...proper, educated, to be dyeing his hair so eccentrically, and asking him to dye it, no less. But those were stereotypes, and Jack usually tried his best to ignore them.  
But still, he couldn’t help but wonder if Mark had something happen to him to want to change so suddenly, even if it was just hair dye.  
Throughout the next twenty minutes, Jack applied various mixes of colours throughout Mark’s bleached hair, Mark occasionally directing him somewhere specific. It became oddly quiet, but Jack was used to quiet. And it was something he could work with.  
“Done, yeah?” Jack asked. Mark nodded, careful not to flick his hair anywhere and get dye across the walls.  
“Yeah, yeah,” Mark nodded, now with a better, wider grin than he had before. The dye had distracted him from his distraughtness, which Jack was grateful for, considering the circumstances. “What time is it?” Jack leaned out of the bathroom to look at his clock, which read the time 9:13pm.  
“A little past nine,” Jack said. “You know, it is very late, I’m surprised you stayed here for the dye and not just the bleach.”  
“Well, two in one works best,” Mark replied. “Dan might not be coming back here, though.” Jack chuckled.  
“What makes you say that?” Jack asked. Mark shrugged casually.  
“This late, and still with Barry? He’s probably spending the night down there.”  
“What, and you’re going to go back after that sausage-fest they had?” Mark let out a long and loud laugh, as if it were the funniest thing he’d ever heard. He felt a small amount of sentiment build up inside of him, just from hearing Mark laugh at something he had said, and not at him and something he had done.  
“Well, I can’t stay here, can I?” Mark replied.  
“Sure you can. Dan stole your roommate, you steal his bed.”  
“I can’t steal his roommate, then?” Jack shrugged, ignoring the faint redness of his face.  
“Never said you couldn’t.” Mark laughed, and it went silent for a few moments before Jack held out the dye brush to Mark. “Alright, Mr. Man, think you can handle my hair?” Mark took the brush.  
“Of course I can!” he said in either false confidence or true sarcasm. Either way, it made Jack laugh. “I’m good at everything.”  
“We’ll see.”  
Another thirty-five minutes, and almost all of Jack’s neck was covered in dye, as well as some of his forehead and a drop on his nose.  
“I look like a little kid put face-paint on me,” Jack pointed out with a hearty laugh, pointing at himself. “Look at me, I’m a disaster.” Mark rolled his eyes and put the brush in the sink.  
“Well, I guess I’m really good at face-paint, then,” he countered. “And that’s a good skill.”  
“For when?”  
“I don’t know. Halloween?” Jack rolled his eyes and looked at his hair.  
“You did awesome on my actual hair, though. The only thing I’m going to need is an actual shower to rub off this dye.” Jack nodded to the shower. “You’re free to take one if you want. Best way to wash out the extra dye.”  
“You’re sure?”  
“You are staying the night, and I probably have shirts you can wear somewhere. So yeah. Just don’t make it too hot, or else it’ll wash out too much.” Mark nodded, Jack heading out of the bathroom. “Don’t worry about the sink, I’ll clean that later on.” He closed the door behind him and sat down on his bed with some exhaustion. In all reality, he wasn’t sure if he had spent this much time with one other person before. Dan was good, but he was gone a lot. The most time he got with him so far was cigarettes and between class discussions. And many other times, Dan was alone himself, waking up from a deep sleep or coming from the bathroom after a too-long shower.  
Mark was basically the first person Jack wanted to consider a real friend. Not that Dan or Barry, or any of Mark’s friends weren’t his friends, too, but Mark was closer. Even if it had only been a few hours spent together with hair dye, he still wanted to live in the moment with it. Keep it this way because it felt so much better than the lonely cigarettes out the window and the loud music in the room.  
Jack waited for fifteen minutes before he started to pace nervously. Whatever was going on with the sink in the bathroom must’ve had something to do with Dan. Jack just wasn’t sure exactly what. A few ideas came to mind, a little gruesome, but he trashed those. Dan wasn’t like that.  
“Hey, Jack?” Mark called.  
“What’s up?” Jack called back.  
“I’m all done with the shower, if you want your turn.” Jack sighed slowly.  
“Yeah, let me toss you a shirt and sweats, alright?” Mark mumbled an approval as Jack went to grab said clothes, opening the door of the bathroom to hand them over, barely catching a glimpse of Mark’s coloured hair before the door closed on him again.  
Mark emerged a few minutes later, dressed and with a new head of hair, something he seemed proud of as well.  
“Good?” Mark asked, running a hand through the front strands.  
“Good?” Jack repeated. “It looks awesome!” Mark chuckled shyly.  
“Thanks, Jack. For dyeing it. And letting me stay here tonight.” Jack held up his hands.  
“No worries, yeah? I’m going to take my shower, though, so then we’ll truly match.” Jack grabbed his own set of clothes and went to the bathroom himself to wash out the dye.  
He didn’t take too long for his shower, considering he had slightly less hair and didn’t want to waste water. As he turned off the water, he could hear Mark talking to himself. Cracking open the bathroom door, seeing as he didn’t close it all the way, he watched as Mark paced a little too furiously as he talked on his phone to someone.  
“You didn’t tell him, though,” he said. Silence. “Yeah, but you should’ve. This isn’t shit you beat around the bush about.” Pause. “Don’t give me that shit, Dan. Jack should know about this.” Another pause. “Alright, alright, look...” Jack pulled away then. He didn’t want to eavesdrop on the rest of the conversation, let alone know the problem of whatever Mark and Dan were talking about that somehow involved him. Jack waited until he couldn’t hear Mark’s mutters through the door anymore and he exited the bathroom.  
“Nice!” Mark commented when he saw Jack’s hair. Jack grinned.  
“Admiring your creation, I see,” Jack replied, bowing.  
“Obviously. Who wouldn’t want to admire hair like that on someone like you?” Another bout of redness creeped up to Jack’s face again. Mark complimented him far too much. Or maybe he just hadn’t learned to accept kindness yet.  
“You alright?” he questioned.  
“Yeah, why?” Mark asked.  
“I heard you mumbling to yourself is all.” Mark shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck.  
“I was just on the phone. No biggie, my mom wanted to know how I was.” Jack only knew that was a lie because he heard. He didn’t point that out, and he didn’t feel guilty for knowing the truth that Mark didn’t mean for him to know, but he understood the lie enough to let it pass.  
“Cool.” Another bout of silence. “You going to head to sleep? I’m going to.”  
“Yeah, yeah. All this hair dyeing stuff’s got me exhausted.” Jack chuckled.  
“Not surprised.” As Jack headed to his bed and Mark to Dan’s, a thought ran through Jack’s head.  
And it was only an if thought.  
Jack was lonely.  
Mark was stressed.  
What if they were in the same place already?


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right and wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, there is very slight violence in this one. Not too much, though. xoxo

“What the fuck, Jack?” were the first words Jack heard in the morning. He hardly remembered what happened last night, seeing as his body and mind felt heavy with haze.  
“What, what?” he ended up asking, attempting to sit up, but deciding his bed was much more comfortable.  
“Get up,” the voice said, yanking off the blankets from his figure, making him groan and sit up properly. He looked around with blurred vision, and saw that Dan’s bed was empty. He remembered then everything that had happened before. Dyeing Mark’s hair, Mark sleeping in the dorm, being flirty, having fun- “Why did you let Mark go into our bathroom?” Jack now knew it was Dan who was talking.  
“I was dyeing his damn hair, where else are you supposed to wash it?” Jack questioned, like it was obvious as annoyance built up inside him. “Where is he, anyways?”  
“No one’s allowed in our bathroom but us,” Dan scolded. Jack held up his hands in defense.  
“Never got the memo, man, so I don’t know what to-” And right then, Jack felt a hand swipe across his face, striking him on his cheekbone and probably leaving a red mark. “Ow, fuck, man, what the fuck is wrong with you?”  
“No one goes into our bathroom!” Dan nearly screamed.  
“Fuck, man, don’t be yelling at me, you never said anything about it!” Jack protested before pointing a finger at Dan, “And don’t ever fucking smack me like that again.” Dan’s face was fueled with anger mixed with another emotion Jack didn’t really care about.  
“How much of my shit did you rifle through, then?” Dan asked, crossing his arms menacingly. Jack stood up, rubbing his eyes, far too tired for any of the bullshit he was being given at that moment.  
“None, alright?” Jack said. “I hardly use our damn bathroom, you know? You’re always fucking in there doing shit. And no, I don’t want to know what it is you’re doing.”  
“Just mind your damn business, Jack.” Jack held up his hands more and more to the point that he feared if he took them down, he would be slapped again.  
“All I really want to know is why the fuck you slapped me so hard,” Jack said, moving towards his drawer of clothes. Dan took a step forward.  
“Yeah?” he asked. “Why, you want me to slap you again?” Jack turned around now, facing him with confusion lacing every inch of his face.  
“Dan, what the fuck is wrong with you?” he asked. “Did you forget to take your meds or something-” And that was what made Dan snap. Jack watched as Dan, in one swift movement, brought up a fist and landed it straight to the side of his temple, knocking him down. Jack was sure he wouldn’t have been able to do it had he been prepared. In his recoil, Jack gasped in shock on the ground as he heard the door open and slam shut. He was nearly going to go unconscious, but to his surprise, the door opened again, and a familiar face from the day before appeared.  
“Holy shit, Jack, what the hell happened?” were Mark’s first words as he walked in. Jack couldn’t quite move yet, but he managed to wave his hand towards the door. Mark glanced out, just barely catching a glimpse of Dan rounding a corner in fury, before he turned his attention back to Jack.  
Being honest, Jack had never been punched before, not like that. He hadn’t ever fought someone, either. But he assumed that being punched in the head would hurt as much as being punched in the knee. No, it hurt much worse than that. As if a bull had rammed his temple.  
“Hold on, hold on, don’t move, okay?” Mark’s rushed words flew out as he dug into the fridge for ice, gasping in relief when he found a bag of it. He grabbed what the nearest cloth-like object was and dropped the bag inside. “Hold still, this is going to hurt,” he warned, before pressing the ice to Jack’s now-forming bump in his temple.  
“Ow, fuck, Mark, watch it!” Jack hissed as he felt the coldness come in contact with his bump, feeling the soreness radiate throughout his entire head.  
“Sorry, but it’s a big fucking bump,” Mark said, not moving from his spot. “What even happened? I was coming up here to see you and I get this.”  
“Well, I mean... Why were you coming up here to see me?” Jack sat up now as the strength came back to his muscles.  
“I don’t know, I wanted to hang out. I’m just worried about you now.” Jack sighed, hissing again when the ice moved. “Sorry.”  
“It’s fine, I mean...,” Jack began, pausing to choose his words carefully. He didn’t want to make Mark think it was his fault, much less blame himself. “I woke up to Dan yelling at me, then he slapped me, then he fucking punched me, then he fucking stormed out.”  
“What the fuck, why?” Jack sighed.  
“He said it was something about me letting you into our bathroom.” Jack’s fingers rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Fuck, Mark, he was already pissed when I woke up. Said I looked through his shit and to mind my own business.” Jack sighed. “You know, I hardly use our fucking bathroom, and I don’t know what he does in it. I don’t even know why he fucking wanted it.” Mark sighed.  
“Do you think you can walk?” Mark asked. “You can come down to my dorm room. Barry’s there and he’ll help, too.” Jack closed his eyes in thought. Seeing as how close Dan and Barry seemed, there was a chance Dan was heading there now. Then again, if Dan was only off having a piss-fit, Jack was sure he’d be safer somewhere that wasn’t where he was living.  
“You don’t think Dan’s there?” Jack asked cautiously.  
“No,” Mark assured. “He won’t be there.” His voice was deep, upset, and Jack didn’t know why. He was used to being in the dark, not being told what was happening, but this time around, he was sick of being left out of the loop.  
“Why?” he asked.  
“I’ll tell you when we get to my dorm. Promise.” Jack searched for doubt, as he had last time, but found none yet again. Jack nodded and stood up, slowly, with Mark’s arm around his torso to help him walk out as the bag of ice was switched from Mark’s hand to his. “You need clothes?”  
“No, no, I’m fine,” Jack said, shaking his head as he pressed the ice bag more onto the bump. “Just go.”  
Mark, with each small step, waited patiently for Jack to follow, sometimes holding his hand or his shoulder or arm, to ensure he wouldn’t fall. Jack found, surprisingly, that Mark’s dorm wasn’t far from him. Only a couple hallways away, which meant that it wouldn’t take long for Jack to see Mark if he wanted to. Not that he needed to, but he knew he wanted to.  
“Mark?” a voice said from inside Mark’s dorm room.  
“Barry, help me out, okay?” Mark asked. Jack watched as Barry stood up from where he sat to help Jack to the bed and close the door.  
“What happened?” Barry asked.  
“Dan blew up at him,” Mark said. “Punched him in the head and almost knocked him out.”  
“Fucking hurt, too,” Jack added. “You wouldn’t know why he fucked me up, would you?” He meant it as a joke, but in reality, he was all but joking. If Barry truly had something to do with this, he wanted to know.  
“I broke up with Dan this morning,” Barry said. “It left him in a sour mood, and I guess he might’ve taken it out on you or something.”  
“Must’ve been something else, then,” Jack said. “He was yelling about Mark in our bathroom, not you.” Mark exchanged a glance with Barry, and that was what made Jack more curious than ever. “What?” He questioned.  
“Last night, in the bathroom, I found a bottle,” Mark admitted. “There was no label, no name, just a bunch of pills.” Jack said nothing. “I didn’t think they’d be yours, only because I know that Dan has a problem.”  
“Problem, what problem?” Jack questioned further.  
“He’s just...,” Barry jumped in. “He’s depressed. But finding those pills made us worried, so Mark took them back here this morning. You were asleep, I’m guessing.”  
“Yeah, I was...”  
“And I guess no one was supposed to find them, because seeing as how badly he blew up at you, he assumed you told me about them.”  
“Was it him you were on the phone with last night?” Jack asked.  
“Yeah,” Mark nodded. “I was asking him how bad his depression was, his anxiety. He wouldn’t budge on telling me anything, so I just took the pills away. For all we know, they’re not even prescribed to him.”  
“Meaning he was going to...” Jack held a lump in his throat, and stopped talking when he felt emotion well up inside him. He could feel his face threaten to scrunch up and tears threaten to escape. He had never known anything quite like this, never known anyone like this. He had been so alone his first eighteen years of life that he wasn’t sure he’d ever meet someone like Dan. And certainly not someone like Mark.  
“Hey, it’s okay,” Mark assured. Jack nodded, trying to hold in every emotion he had, which was difficult seeing as how much his mind was running all over the place. Mark gave a silent glance to Barry, and Barry nodded, slowly leaving the room.  
“Where’s he going?” Jack asked, trying to straighten out the croak in his voice.  
“Don’t worry about it, I just..,” Mark said, stepping carefully over his words. “I don’t want you to worry, okay? I’ve known Dan for a while, and Barry’s known him for longer. We know how he gets, we’re just...taking precautions.” Jack nodded. Even though a dread-like feeling was still present in his chest, he sighed and tried to smile. It came out feeble, weak, but only because he didn’t want to do anything but stay there with Mark forever and never move. “Come here, come on,” Mark said, opening up his arms. Jack sighed and moved to hug Mark. “It’ll be fine, you know? Dan’ll be fine.”  
“Yeah,” Jack said. “I just worry, you know? I’m like that.” Mark chuckled softly, pulling away.  
“I know, we all do.” Jack’s eyes travelled upwards to Mark’s hair.  
“I nearly forgot I dyed yours,” he laughed, trying to cheer himself up. Mark did the same motion.  
“Yeah, same with yours,” he agreed. Jack’s eyes went back down to Mark, and Mark’s to Jack.  
And Mark leaned in and kissed him.


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calm it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! xoxo

Jack never expected anything from anyone. At least, he didn’t expect anything very good. He expected abuse and trauma more than he expected Mark, leaning in, lips against his while his head still pounded in pain. No, Jack never expected anything good.  
But damn it, Mark was something good. And he hadn’t had good in a long time.  
Only a day had passed after Dan’s fist, Jack’s ice, and Mark’s lips. Mark refused to let him go back to his dorm for a bit, making Barry check it for him. So they found themselves alone for a bit again.  
“How’s your head?” Mark asked. Jack’s fingers graced the now smaller bump on his temple. The swelling had gone down through the night.  
“It’s alright,” Jack decided. “Still hurts.” It went silent for longer than Jack anticipated, and he knew what subject was waiting in the air to be considered.  
“About yesterday...,” Mark started, being the one to break the ice. “I didn’t mean... I didn’t mean to send you the wrong signal or anything, I just... You know.”  
“It’s okay,” Jack said quietly, then followed with, “What do you mean? Wrong signals?” Mark ran a hand through his hair.  
“I mean... This is new. I won’t lie about it, I was just... No one really...taught me anything, and then coming here, it was too much to take in. So I’m taking small steps, and I didn’t even think about you or... I don’t know.” Jack didn’t answer for a few long moments.  
“I had the same problem, trust me,” Jack said with a small chuckle. “Hell, I was fifteen and scared of everything. But, you know, I did my own research. I was alone for a long time, so you’re kind of like my first good friend ever.”  
“I am?” Jack looked down to his shoes for a moment before returning his gaze to Mark and nodding.  
“Yeah.” He could see the sentiment build in Mark’s face, his eyes, his smile. To think that Jack had gotten so lucky to be friends with Mark would’ve only been a dream before college. Even before he ever went to school, as a toddler, having a friend was only a sad fantasy.  
“Hey, Jack?” Mark said quietly now.  
“What?”  
“Is it...okay? That I kissed you like that?”  
“Yeah.”  
“You’re sure?” Jack nodded. “Can I do it again?” Jack nodded again. He watched as Mark stood up to sit next to him, the bed sinking down just a bit further. He swore he could hear how hard Mark’s heart pounded, not even noticing how much his own did.  
Jack watched, slowly, as Mark looked at him, and leaned forward again to press his lips to Jack’s, chastely, before pulling away nervously.  
“That was nice,” Jack found himself saying. Mark looked off to the side, almost embarrased. “Again?” And then Mark looked back, hopeful, as Jack took control and kissed Mark, slowly, this time with movement.  
Mark seemed to respond easily, and seemed to know more hands-on, rather than Jack’s half-baked movie experience. Jack felt a tongue grace his lips and teeth, realising it was Mark’s, and he felt butterflies in his stomach that made him slow the pace. He knew nothing, absolutely nothing, and compared to that, Mark knew absolutely everything.  
“Are you okay?” Mark asked as he pulled away.  
“I’m not used to it,” Jack admitted, clasping his hands together. “Lips and tongues and stuff like that.” Mark chuckled, but ceased when Jack didn’t.  
“Right,” Mark said, nodding, then went for a lighter mood. “But, I mean, you’ll figure it out okay, I’m sure.” He paused before adding, “I mean, if you want to.”  
“Can we just do it slow, then?” Jack asked curiously. “With this?”  
“With what?”  
“All of it. Just slow. I’m not really into rushing, I guess. Especially with this.” Jack’s embarrassment showed in red cheeks on his face.  
“Yeah, okay,” Mark agreed with a nod. “Tell me if it goes too fast, then. I’ll slow down.” Jack nodded. More silence. “Are we dating, then?” Jack’s face flushed at the thought, which Mark seemed to notice, but didn’t comment on.  
“Sure,” Jack said quietly, and although anyone in their right mind could sense how unsure his answer sounded, Mark agreed with a nod.  
“Do you want to go out somewhere tonight?” Jack bit his lip. Saying yes meant that he’d be going on a date, an actual date. However, saying no meant that he’d have time to think about what he was going to get himself into, what he was going to do. “You don’t have to, you know,” Mark assured. “Your head probably hurts and you’ll want to sleep in your own bed.” Jack nodded.  
“Probably, yeah,” he chuckled. “Tomorrow, though, we’ll go. If you can.”  
“Yeah, that sounds nice.” Mark grinned, and throughout the room, most of the tension faded. The door opened to reveal Barry and, much to Jack’s discomfort, Dan. As they entered the room, Mark found Jack’s hand and gripped it assuringly.  
“Hey,” Dan greeted, his voice small and weak, as if he hadn’t slept and his guilt was at its peak.  
“Hey, Dan,” Jack replied, trying his best not to let his anger seethe through. Dan’s voice may have held apology, but Jack was sure that he’d need more than a sad face to reassure him. Then the pills came to mind, and he felt more angry that Dan wasn’t getting help than the fact that Dan punched him.  
“I’m sorry,” Dan said quickly. “For... For blowing up so badly. I didn’t mean to, I just-”  
“That’s not what I’m really worried about,” Jack cut in.  
“What are you worried about, then?” The silence after cut through the air.  
“You should’ve told me, you know,” Jack began. “What the pills were for, that you were depressed.”  
“Jack, I didn’t tell you because-”  
“Doesn’t matter, you know. You still should have told me.”  
“Jack. I don’t know what you think this is, but I wasn’t going to drag you through my bullshit.” Dan’s tone, as heartbroken as it seemed at first, was growing defensive, towards himself, against Jack.  
“Yeah, and what bullshit is that?” Jack’s voice rose above his once small decibel. “The bullshit that I would have had to find you dead on the bathroom floor? Or- Or that you didn’t even think to ask for help from your roommate that lives with you?” Tears were falling down Jack’s face, but he didn’t care. He was upset, he was pissed, and the fact that Dan was just so damn stubborn wouldn’t sit well with him. At that, his hand let go of Mark’s and he stood. “You have people who care about you!” he yelled. It may not have been the best method to come across on, but it was the one he was going with.  
“Jack-” Mark tried to intervene, but his voice couldn’t cut through.  
“No, Mark!” Jack said, holding up a hand at him. “Dan, do you honestly think you’re the only one with bullshit?”  
“No, I never said that-” Dan replied.  
“Right, so why would you hide it? I’ve been through bullshit, too, you know! I didn’t have anyone, and I mean anyone, before I came here. You were the first person I’d ever met that didn’t push me out! And now you come here telling me that you don’t want me in your bullshit because I don’t deserve it? Well, no one deserves bullshit, not you, not me, and especially not Mark.” Jack ran a hand through his hair frantically. “I heard him talking on the phone with you. Saying that you should’ve told me. Lying and saying it was his mother. I don’t blame him because it was apparent that you didn’t want to tell anyone!” He paused there. He knew he had said too much. Yelled too much. The things he said he was sure didn’t sound appealing, or encouraging, because they came out so harshly. His head pounded against him.  
He couldn’t help but be angry, and he wanted so badly to blame himself for not noticing sooner, for not helping, but he’d blamed himself far too many times before for things he hadn’t been at fault with. He was tired of blaming himself.  
“Okay,” came Dan’s quiet response when he realised Jack was done yelling, lecturing, crying.  
“I’m sorry,” Jack apologised. “I just...need to go back to my room, alright?” Jack turned to the door, but stopped to look at Mark.  
“Do you want me to go with you?” Mark asked, considering he was already unsure of letting Jack go by himself. Jack nodded humbly, and Mark stood to follow, giving a half-hearted wave towards Barry, and a pat to Dan’s shoulder.  
Jack was slow back to his room. Jack was slow opening the door.  
In all honesty, Jack just wanted to sleep for a long, long time.  
“Are you okay?” Mark asked as they both sat on Jack’s bed.  
“Honestly?” Jack replied. Mark nodded. “Not really. I’m tired. I just...want everyone to be happy. To feel...safe.”  
“Dan’ll be fine.”  
“And if he’s not?”  
“We’ll help him.” Jack nodded. Then he sighed when he saw Dan’s backpack was gone. He knew Dan wasn’t coming back to the dorm. He was sure Barry would let him stay there, so he asked Mark a question he never thought he’d ask.  
“Do you want to smoke right now?” he asked. And when he saw Mark hesitate, he knew he shouldn’t have said anything.  
But then Mark nodded, and Jack felt a little lighter already.


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some slight sexual themes ahead. Not minor, but not major. There's implications, I guess. xoxo

Jack was never keen on making anything a bigger deal than it was. Dan, a big deal.  
Smoking with Mark, not so much. But in the midst of it, he still wasn’t sure if Mark ever smoked anything in his life, so he asked.  
“Have you smoked before?” Jack questioned as he reached for the bag of joints.  
“Not really?” Mark guessed. “I’ve tried cigarettes, like, twice, so...”  
“So no, then?” Jack said, giving a light chuckle. Mark smiled and shook his head as Jack sat down again, one hand brandishing the drug, the other a lighter. “You’re sure, then?”  
“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure.” Jack shrugged and held one up to his lips, lit the end, and sucked in smoke. He held it for a few moments before blowing it out the opposite direction of Mark. He held it towards Mark, who took it carefully.  
“Here goes...,” he said to himself before he copied Jack; in, hold, and then it billowed out as coughs from his mouth, making Jack laugh.  
“It’s fine, it’s fine, don’t worry,” Jack assured. “Everyone does that. It caught you off guard, didn’t it?”  
“A little,” Mark managed to say. He handed it back to Jack, who continued with ease. He found himself with a thought that maybe Mark would like, but was still unsure about. He asked anyways.  
“Do you want to try a shotgun?” he asked.  
“And that is?” Mark replied.  
“It’s when instead of you taking it from this,” Jack waved the joint, “you take it from me. It’s kind of like beginner’s trial.”  
“How?”  
“I don’t know. It makes it easier the first time round. Look, so, when I have the smoke, you let out all your air. Then I’ll come in and you breathe in when I blow.”  
“Why does that sound so complicated...”  
“It’s not, I assure you.” Mark nodded and shrugged, turning to face Jack, and Jack to face Mark. Once Jack took in a hit, Mark let out his breath. Jack approached him and met his lips carefully before blowing out his smoke into Mark’s mouth, who tried hard to breathe in as much as he could.  
He wasn’t quite sure if it was the smoke or not, but Mark’s lips were soft and warm, and it took him a second to realise that he had to pull away.  
He watched, entranced, as Mark blew out the smoke he had been given, this time in one fluid motion. Jack grinned.  
“I can see why that’d be easier,” Mark said, nodding. “And nicer.”  
“How so?” Jack asked.  
“I got you.” Jack grinned and laughed a bit. He was already feeling light and numb, but Mark made him feel things deep inside. In his head. Sentiment. Likeness.  
Happiness.  
“You want to try this again?” Jack asked after he took one more hit, holding out the joint to Mark.  
“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Mark said, his voice seeming heavy, but his attitude phased out and curious. Jack watched again as Mark, this time, took a hit and very nearly held and blew out on his own perfectly.  
“Good, yeah,” Jack grinned happily.  
Throughout the next fifteen minutes, they passed back and forth, exchanging dopey glances and sleepy smiles, neither of them sure who was doing what. They just knew they were content that way, right then. And it was fair to be, for once. Nothing to worry about.  
“Do you want the last one, then?” Jack asked once he determined that there could only be one last hit to be taken from the joint in his hand. His fingers were warm and getting warmer as the end got nearer to his hand.  
“Why don’t we...do the last one together?” Mark suggested, unsure of the words he chose, but sure of what he meant.  
“You- Really?”  
“Yeah, why not? It’ll let me kiss you again, and I liked that.” Jack let out a hearty laugh, then remembered they had a limited time before they ran out.  
“Alright, ready?” Jack asked, waiting for Mark’s nod before he took in his last hit, and approached Mark. He saw Mark’s chest fall, then felt it rise when he blew out and Mark breathed in. He didn’t pull away this time, so he felt the smoke release from Mark and blow through their mouths and past their faces and noses, leaving a scent behind where it was. Jack continued to kiss, Mark responding as eagerly as the drugs would allow. His mind was heavy now. Heavy with drugs, with pain, with Mark.  
God, Mark, he was everywhere. He always was. And he hoped he was at least somewhere in Mark’s world, however large or small it may have been.  
He hoped against hope that Mark would stay constant. At least for a while.  
He hoped for longer.  
Jack felt Mark’s teeth clash with his in a messy fashion, his hands wander somewhere above his hips. Jack took it upon himself to stub the now-burnt out joint against the wall and drop it, not caring if it was going to be lost in his sheets, before running the same hand through the back of Mark’s hair. He smiled when he remembered its colour, and that he made it that colour. It seemed Mark got the same idea, because his hands went to Jack’s hair, where they caressed lazily.  
God, Mark was so high, so incredibly high, but Jack was high too, and he felt safe with Jack, with the same feeling between them.  
He just needed him, right there. With his hands, and lips, and chest as Mark found himself climbing on top of him. He was living in the present, and he felt alive. Very alive, and so alive, in fact, that he found his hand travel towards Jack’s jeans. And he relished at Jack’s hands unbuttoning his shirt. He felt as both his hands succeeded in unbuttoning Jack’s jeans, feeling fabric that he guessed were boxers or otherwise.  
He didn’t care. He wanted underneath.  
Jack, in what he hoped was a fluid motion, pushed away Mark’s shirt, leaving his hands to feel skin and a pulsing heartbeat on Mark’s chest. His own heart quickened, and he felt his arousal grow as he felt his jeans pushed down.  
But then he remembered.  
Past his high, past his yelling, his need to ignore everything and just have Mark. Slow.  
This wasn’t slow.  
And he felt his chest tighten, but his body moved the same speed. Mark couldn’t tell. Jack’s head was clearer, he was used to the highness. Mark was not.  
It ran past his mind that he wasn’t even prepared. He had condoms, but no lubrication. He hadn’t locked the door. He’d never even had sex with a man before, let alone a woman.  
Yet his hands fumbled with Mark’s jeans and unbuttoned them. He felt Mark’s half-erection through his boxers. His heart skipped a beat, maybe two.  
He wanted this. He wanted it so badly. But he had no idea what to do.  
If he had just known, if he had just been prepared...  
He felt so...disappointing.  
“...Jack?” came a voice, with heavy pants and concern. “Are you...okay?” Mark’s words were slow, but worried.  
“Yeah,” Jack replied, and he knew it was a lie. A horrible lie, because deep inside, he wasn’t okay. He didn’t know if anything was okay anymore.  
“Is this...too fast...for you?” Jack looked at Mark finally. Mark’s brow was furrowed, his glasses slightly offset, hair hanging inches from Jack’s eyes. Jack parted his lips to speak, but found he had nothing to say.  
“I...,” he tried, but nothing came after. It was silent throughout the room. “I don’t- I can’t... I don’t know.” He swallowed nervousness.  
“It is...isn’t it?” Mark said after a few moments of silence.  
“No, I’m...,” Jack started, but he couldn’t bring himself to lie. He didn’t want to lie, not to Mark. Jack watched from where he lay as Mark pulled himself away reluctantly, reaching behind him for his lost shirt. “Mark,” Jack tried to catch his attention.  
“Hm,” Mark hummed in response.  
“We can...still do this again, right? Another time?” Mark let out a breath.  
“I don’t know, really,” Mark replied solemnly. Jack could see the regret in Mark’s eyes, and God, it just fucking hurt. It hurt because it was his fault. It hurt because Mark hurt.  
And God damn it, it hurt because he was such a fucking idiot to think that he really would have gone all the way because he was high, upset, and stupid.  
“Jack, it’s okay,” Mark said, as if he knew the thoughts running through Jack’s mind. “I guess...it wouldn’t have been very fun anyways.”  
“I’m sorry,” Jack found himself saying.  
“It’s okay.”  
“No, I mean-” Mark cut him off with a chaste kiss.  
“And it’s okay.” Jack nodded.  
He was tired. Mark was bound to be, too.  
“Want to nap or...something?” Jack asked hastily and nervously.  
“Yeah, sure,” Mark agreed. Jack sighed and sat up so he could crawl underneath his covers and hope that they would swallow him whole forever. He saw Mark head to Dan’s bed, copying Jack.  
As he closed his eyes, Jack very subtly wished he had never had anything to do with the world anymore.


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nudity ahead, I suppose. Not major, not even minor. Very, very slight. We're getting into the thick of it. xoxo

Jack woke up to darkness. He was unsure as to why he couldn’t see anything, then remembered that he wanted his blankets swallow him whole. He wanted nothing else to do with the world.  
Maybe his wish had come true.  
To his distaste, it hadn’t.  
Jack pushed off the covers and was met with a very nearly blinding light in his eyes, which caused him to blink and attempt to get a glimpse of his surroundings. He adjusted, and then he saw that Mark was no longer in Dan’s bed. In fact, Dan was in his own bed for once. Jack shouldn’t have been disappointed, he didn’t want Mark in the room. But he felt...empty.  
No, he didn’t. He didn’t care.  
Jack threw the covers back over his head and tried to will himself to sleep again. He didn’t need to be awake, not if he had classes, not if he needed to eat, not if Mark was probably doing the same thing as him, hoping that the world would end soon.  
“Jack,” a voice said. Jack didn’t respond. Maybe if he ignored it, it would go away. “I know you’re awake, I want to talk to you.” Just a voice in his head. There was a long sigh, and a pause, and then Jack’s blankets were removed carefully from his body. Like he was fragile, and maybe he was.  
“Go away,” Jack muttered, forcing himself to not open his eyes and not move, even though it was tempting to do so.  
“Jack, I want to talk to you,” the voice said. He didn’t care. “Please.”  
“I don’t want to talk to you.” Then there was an even longer pause before the voice spoke again, wavering through the air slightly, like it was hurt.  
“Not even after what happened last night?” it asked quietly.  
And that’s when Jack knew it couldn’t have been Dan talking because Dan wasn’t there last night.  
Mark was.  
Jack tried so very hard not to look him in the eyes when he opened his, but he couldn’t help it. And he felt immediate regret wash over him for looking because all he saw was pain and hurt and any other bad emotion that shouldn’t be in Mark’s brown eyes.  
“What do you want, Mark?” Jack asked, and he didn’t realise how cold he sounded until Mark seemed taken aback by his wording.  
“Are you okay?” was all he asked. Was all he seemed worried about. Was all he seemed to care about in that moment was if Jack was okay.  
“Fine.” Jack still refused to move. He wasn’t getting out of bed.  
“Do you have class today?” Jack thought back. It was... Fuck, he didn’t know, but with his shitty luck, it was Monday.  
“Probably,” Jack grunted. He compromised and moved his foot, and the edge of his toe grazed the stubbed out joint from the previous night that was still in the middle of his mess of sheets.  
“I...,” but Mark didn’t finish. Jack didn’t expect him to.  
“If you want to leave, go ahead,” Jack said. He watched as Mark took a step back, then hesitated to approach Jack again. The hesitation was barely enough for Jack to handle. He didn’t want to see this, this wasn’t fair.  
And so Mark walked away. Out the door, down the hall, far away from Jack as he could be in his own dorm room. Jack reached for his blankets and covered himself up again, this time succeeding in falling asleep.  
He didn’t care anymore. He couldn’t.  
Jack woke up to the door opening. He felt the urge to uncover himself and did so until he felt cold air rush on him and he remembered again where he was.  
“Hey, Jack,” the voice said. Not Mark.  
“Who?” Jack asked back automatically.  
“You, Jack. Are you okay?” The voice could only belong to Dan, who seemed tired and worn out and all other synonyms for bushed.  
“I’m fine, why?”  
“You seem out of it.” Jack opened his eyes to see Dan sitting on, not his, but Jack’s bed, with a concerned look. Jack waved off the comment with a floppy, tired flick of his wrist and sighed as he relaxed back into his pillow. “You sure you’re okay?”  
“I’m fine, Jesus H. Christ,” Jack groaned, nearly whined out, not wanting to be bothered. He had slept too long, and he was still tired.  
“And...Mark?” Dan asked curiously, tentatively, as he should. Sensitive subject.  
“I don’t know,” Jack admitted, seeing as he had basically kicked him out without another word or feeling between them.  
“Jack-”  
“I don’t know, Dan! I just-” Then Jack pounded a fist on his pillow, “He’s too nice to me and I hate him.” Despite everything, despite the distress, Dan laughed.  
“You hate him because he’s too nice?” he questioned.  
“Yes- No. Fuck, Dan, I told you I don’t know.” And it was true. Surrounding everything, Jack didn’t know, and didn’t know what to do, either. It was all a jumbled mess of mistakes, and damn it, he’s hardly been at this college for very long. He didn’t deserve any of this drama, he didn’t deserve this pain or love or whatever the hell he was supposed to call it. He would be better off without it.  
“Jack, sit up,” Dan said, nudging him with a single finger. Jack sighed, doing as he was told. “Look, you really like him, right?” Jack opened his mouth to say yes, but it didn’t come out.  
“I don’t know,” was what he came up with. He rubbed his temples for a moment before slapping his hands on his thighs. “I hate him, I like him, I don’t know what to do about it.” Jack motioned to Dan. “I mean, you’ve obviously known him for longer, with all that online stuff.”  
“So?” Jack opened his mouth to retort, but decided against it. He sighed and waved Dan’s comment off before running a hand down his own face in distress. He really couldn’t keep this up, he didn’t want to.  
Really, all he had to do was avoid Mark for four years. That seemed too difficult, though.  
“Dan, what the hell do I do?” Jack asked finally. Dan shrugged.  
“I don’t know, Jack. I mean...if Mark doesn’t want to do anything, then that’s his loss.” And that’s when Jack’s mind stopping working for a few moments.  
“His loss?” he repeated.  
“Yeah, you know,” Dan chuckled. “You’re nice, and funny. You’ve got a great sense of self. If Mark hadn’t, I probably would’ve taken a chance at you first.” Jack could only stare. And stare. Stare until Dan didn’t look like Dan anymore. All he saw were shapes and colours.  
And then all he felt were lips.  
Jack woke up feeling empty. Not just any empty, but a hazy, grey, horrible empty. He didn’t remember when he went to bed or if he even did. He tried to move but found something was on him.  
Someone.  
And that someone was Dan.  
Jack tried to sit up as fast as he could, knocking Dan’s arm away to the side. His head hurt, his body hurt, everything was sore and messy and empty. Jack’s eyes adjusted to the room and he tried to gauge what even happened in the past few hours. He couldn’t have been asleep for long. He saw his desk had semi-fresh ashes. His bed smelled slightly of weed and something that was inexplicably Dan.  
“Jack, what’re you doing?” came a groggy voice, Dan, who sat up and threw an arm around Jack’s shoulders, gently laying his chin on the closest one. Jack’s chest was exposed, and, to an extent, the rest of him. He felt heavy, quick breaths leave his lungs and it took him a moment to realise he was having a panic attack. He hadn’t had one in so long that he had forgotten what it felt like, and all he knew was that he didn’t miss the feeling.  
“I...,” he tried, but nothing came out. He was choking on the facts and the atmosphere, the air around him was like poisonous gas mixed with smoke from cigarettes and drugs. He couldn’t breathe, there was too much to think about.  
“Jack, Jack, hey,” Dan said softly, placing gentle kisses on his skin as he held him closer. Somehow, that made it worse and tears came to Jack’s eyes. “Hey, it’s alright, you’re okay. Just calm down.” The proximity made it worse, the talking even more so. The small presses from Dan’s lips to his jaw had him snap and he started to cry. Loud and not at all proud. He couldn’t stand it, this wasn’t supposed to happen.  
This was his virginity, too, taken by someone he didn’t want to give it up to. This was everything. His dignity, his pride, his goddamn sense of self Dan claimed he had a grasp of. Dan didn’t stop, Jack didn’t move to stop him. He just let himself cry and start to curl in on himself. He didn’t know what time it was or what day or even where he was.  
He hated himself so much in that moment because he was so fucking stupid.  
“Jack...,” Dan began to talk again, but he stopped. Obviously, nothing he was doing was helping. Nothing was going to help except leaving Jack alone for a long while. So all he did was leave the bed and get dressed before exiting the dorm room.  
And Jack fell to his worst.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Better now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! xoxo

Jack didn’t leave for a week. Dan tried not to come back often, except for clothes and sleep. Jack knew very well now what time it was, what day, and where he was. He knew what he was doing, but he didn’t care. He still hated himself to the core.  
Jack kept trying to remember what happened that one day, but every time he did, all he could think about was how stupid he was no matter what happened. It was already obvious they had sex, Dan had made that very clear. It was painfully obvious that they’d been very high, but that wasn't completely Jack’s doing. When he thought back, he did remember taking those first hits before everything became hazy. He could catch glimpses of him and Dan together. Dan’s face, sometimes Dan’s moans and groans, sometimes even his own.  
All it did was hurt, but he couldn’t get it out of his head. He didn’t know why it hurt so much, he didn’t know why he only felt guilty when he remembered it, and he didn’t know why he hated Mark even more now. Nothing was tying together when he felt like it was too easy to figure out and he was just too stupid to put it all into something tangible.  
Jack just lay there, staring at the ceiling with hate in his head towards himself and towards Mark, and neither focus had a good reason. Maybe that’s why he felt guilty. He could hear noises outside the room. Conversations and groans and laughter. Last time he checked, it had been 7:24am. He assumed it was long enough for classes to be over. He had skipped all of his.  
A knock on the door. Jack didn’t answer.  
“Can I come in?” a familiar voice asked, one that Jack refused to associate with someone he knew. It was just noise, so he ignored it. He did even more when the door opened. He was buried underneath blankets. Maybe the person would think he’s not there. “I...brought some food, if you’re hungry. Dan picked you out stuff he thought you’d like.” Jack kept quiet. He wasn’t going to do anything anymore. All it did was give him trouble.  
He felt a weight weigh down the bed. He didn’t move. The person that had walked in slowly removed the blankets from his figure. Maybe he could pretend he was asleep, but his eyes opened as soon as light hit his eyelids.  
“Jack...,” the person said quietly. “Jack, will you talk to me?” He still didn’t know who it was. He was afraid to find out. “Mark’s upset.”  
Not Mark.  
“And Dan feels really bad about what happened.”  
Not Dan, either.  
“Barry...?” Jack asked tentatively, considering Barry was the only other person he knew.  
“Yeah- Jack, you didn’t know it was me?” Jack shook his head where he lay.  
“I was afraid you were Mark or Dan,” Jack admitted. He heard Barry chuckle slightly.  
“No, it’s just me, Barry.” That’s when Jack found it in himself to finally sit up and face Barry, at least for now. Jack eyed him all around, saw a plastic bag with food, his plaid button shirt, that beard and bushy-like hair, all coming back to the concerned frown on his face.  
“Sorry,” Jack apologised, then mentally smacked himself. He needed to stop apologising. He didn’t deserve this, he didn’t.  
“It’s okay,” Barry replied softly. “I came to give you some food. I know you haven’t left in a while and I thought you’d like something. Dan did pick out what he thought you liked from the store.” Jack could faintly see the outline of a box of cookies. It wasn’t his favourite, but it would do. Some various other junk and a few healthy items lined the bag.  
“You didn’t have to, you know,” Jack muttered. He felt smug and embarrassed, and it was for a few moments that he really did want to leave his dorm for a while.  
“It’s alright.” Jack nodded as Barry set down the bag on the floor. Then he held out his arms. “Hey, come here.” Jack looked at him, bewildered for a second until Barry urged his with a flick of his hands, and Jack let Barry comfort him for a little bit. It’s not that he needed the comfort, but it was nice to know that at least someone didn’t hate him.  
“Barry,” Jack said after a bit, not moving.  
“What?” Barry asked, starting to rock slightly as if cradling a child.  
“Is Mark okay?” Barry gave a hum of indifference, meaning that Mark probably hadn’t been at their dorm for the week of Jack’s depressive state. “Where is he?”  
“He went to stay at another friend’s house,” Barry said. “I think he’s okay, Jack.”  
“I think he hates me.”  
“Are you sure?” Jack hummed back his own indifference to the situation. Maybe Mark did hate him. Maybe Jack hated Mark. Or maybe they just hated themselves both so much that it seemed like the rest of the world agreed. But now, with Barry here, with the reassurance, Jack didn’t hate himself as much as he did before, and he certainly didn’t hate Mark at all anymore. If fact, he really did like him. A lot. So much that it almost hurt to think about anything bad happening to him. “You really like him, don’t you?”  
“Is it that obvious?” Jack joked. Barry shrugged.  
“He likes you, too, if you didn’t notice.” Jack sighed and sat up now.  
“I’m sure he does, I just...” Jack didn’t really have words for it. He was nervous, and excited, and a lot of other emotions he wasn’t sure had names for themselves. And he wanted to do this, he wanted to go on that one date he was supposed to have with Mark, but now, with the situation they were both in with each other, it didn’t seem like such a stellar idea anymore. It didn’t seem...right.  
“Look, how about...we all go out?” Barry started. “We all go out for a nice, friendly dinner. You, me, Dan, Mark, maybe some others. I don’t know. But then maybe it’ll be easier to talk to Mark or Dan again.” Jack shrugged. Barry sighed. “Come on, Jack, I’m trying to help you out here.”  
“But will they go if I do?” Jack questioned curiously, almost sarcastically, because it didn’t seem like it would work.  
“I’ll make sure they will, okay? Only if you promise to go.” Jack sat there for a moment, contemplating. He wasn’t sure he needed this. He wasn’t sure he even wanted this. But Barry was desperate, and he really seemed like he wanted to fix all of this. “Besides, I have to fix it with Dan anyways, so...” Jack nodded.  
“Okay, I’ll go,” he agreed quietly. “When?”  
“Tonight, if I can get it all set up that soon. Tomorrow at the latest.” It was Friday again, Jack remembered. Booze nights and parties again, for the millionth time in a row.  
“Alright,” Jack said, nodding. Barry grinned a little bit and gripped Jack’s shoulder reassuringly for a second before standing up and going the door. “And Barry?”  
“It’s okay, Jack, I know,” Barry chuckled a little bit, and he left the room for Jack to prepare himself for the following dinner to come.


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forgiveness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! xoxo

Mark ignored Jack for the most part of the night. Even if he looked his direction, it wasn’t to look at him, but rather something behind him or next to him. Jack wanted to start a conversation with him, but seeing the slight pain in his face made him shut up and eat his food in silence. It even hurt when Mark asked him to pass something across the table, but nothing more.  
“Hey, Jack, you okay?” someone at the table asked Jack. He looked up to see Dan next to him, eyeing him curiously.  
“Yeah, Dan, I’m fine,” Jack nodded, taking a fry and chewing on the end. Dan chuckled and threw an arm around him.  
“Alright, just making sure. I don’t want you to check out so early.” Jack nodded, and expected Dan to move his arm, but he didn’t. In fact, Dan’s left arm wrapped close enough to push Jack’s legs against Dan’s, uncomfortably close in Jack’s case. But he didn’t want to say anything. This was a make-up night, to apologise for everything that had happened in the week or so.  
Jack saw Barry look Dan over the way Dan had to Jack, but more judgemental. Like he was sure Dan wasn’t getting the hint to back off. Jack secretly hoped someone would drag him away from the table so he didn’t have to do anything but deal with one person at a time.  
“Dan, how’s classes?” someone, Matt, Jack thought his name was, asked.  
“Good,” Dan nodded. “Kind of hard, but I’ll deal.”  
“Nice. Jack?” Jack looked up at the mention of his name, seeing as he wasn’t paying attention at all. “Classes?”  
“Oh, yeah, fine,” Jack said, mostly in a stutter, as he tried to eat his food and say nothing else.  
“He didn’t go to his last week,” Dan spoke up. “Too lazy.” He laughed, causing some of the rest of the table to laugh. Mark and Barry ceased to do so honestly. Someone else started a different conversation and Dan took a moment to lean down to Jack’s ear. “Hey, do you want to step outside for a second?”  
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be right back,” Jack nodded quickly, putting down his napkin and standing up. He walked away quickly, but not stealthily enough because Dan followed him to the backdoor.  
“Jack,” Dan said, making Jack turn around in a panic.  
“Dan, Jesus, what’re you doing?” he asked. Dan shrugged.  
“Making sure you’re okay is all.”  
“Yeah, Dan, I’m fine, you can go back inside.” Jack reached into his pocket for his cigarettes, but found they weren’t there and still at home in his bag. Shit, this night was getting worse.  
“Here,” Dan said, walking towards him and holding out a pack, to which Jack looked between the pack and the owner of it suspiciously. “It's not like they’re poisoned or something, just take one.” Jack reached out a hand, but didn’t have a chance to take one when Dan leaned in to kiss him. Jack didn’t move, or respond, and wasn’t able to do much of anything. But once he gathered his senses, he pushed Dan off and sped his way back inside and towards the table.  
“Can someone take me back to my dorm?” he asked quickly and shakily, closing his eyes for a second to try and forget everything. He opened them to see Barry opening his mouth to offer, but Mark held up his hand.  
“Here, I’ll take you,” he said, standing up. Some others Jack couldn’t remember moved to let Mark out from the booth and Jack watched him for a second before he followed him outside of the restaurant and to Mark’s car. The same, red car he was in the first time they all went to dinner together.  
“Are you okay?” Mark asked as he started the car and pulled away from the lot.  
“Fine,” Jack lied. “I’m just...tired.”  
“It’s because of Dan, right?” Jack didn’t respond. “He told me what happened.” Jack sunk further into his seat. These days, he was just wishing anything would swallow him up.  
“I’m sorry, I-” Jack tried, but Mark cut him off.  
“Not your fault. Dan just thought you really liked him for that, though.”  
“For what?”  
“For sex. Just...for a good time.” Jack’s heart failed a little bit on him.  
“I don’t,” Jack said.  
“I know that now.” Mark sighed. “I didn’t want to talk to you tonight, though, because I thought you didn’t want to talk to me. I thought you hated me after all of that...stuff we did.”  
“I don’t, though. Mark, I couldn’t really hate you if I tried.” That earned him a laugh from Mark, and he felt a bit better about the night.  
“Yeah, same for me. I really do like you, Jack, and I still want to take you on that date.” Jack felt a blush creep up to his face.  
“You do?”  
“Of course.” Jack didn’t say anything more because Mark, of all people who should hate him the most, wanted something to do with him. Something good, something nice.   
The rest of the ride was silent, but it was a good silence. A safe silence that Jack could handle. Mark seemed to give off that protective vibe when he was with him, and especially now, after his mistake with Dan. After everything, in fact. That night with Mark, of what almost happened, which instead happened with someone else. Which, it seemed, didn’t turn his stomach over like before.  
“I’ll walk you up,” Mark said as they parked. The lot wasn’t packed, but a few stragglers from various parties and frats lingered around their cars, half-drunk and waiting for something interesting to happen. Jack stuck close to Mark as they entered the building, ignoring stares and jeers, slurred calls for him to join their group.  
“Thanks, Mark,” Jack said once they reached his dorm. “I just... Dan.”  
“Yeah, it’s okay,” Mark said, shrugging with a shy look to his shoes. “Um...” He paused. “Do you want to go out tomorrow night?” Jack blinked.  
“Yeah,” he breathed out. Mark grinned.  
“I’ll call you. Or visit you. Or- I’ll do something.” He giggled and turned to leave, but not before Jack pulled him in for a kiss. Mark didn’t seem sure what to do, but once he realised the feeling, he kissed back. Jack felt the response and tried more to lead, to be the dominant, but Mark was better. He felt a tongue, Mark’s, slip into his mouth and he wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. It quickly left and stayed away, but that didn’t keep the pace from slowing. Jack sticked to Mark’s lips and concentrated. The taste, the shape, the way Mark’s teeth grazed across his own.  
It was a lot. But he could handle this. This was nothing compared to what he had already done. Child’s play.  
The pace slowed to a stop, and Mark chuckled nervously.  
“That’s, uh...,” he began, then cut himself off with, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
“Yeah,” Jack nodded, catching his breath as subtly as he could. Mark turned and walked away, leaving Jack to watch with the largest grin on his face as he prepared himself for the night to come.


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! xoxo

Jack was far too excited. He was up at nine in the morning, and all he could really do was wait for the knock on the door or the phone call or something so he would know what to do and when to do it. Dan was still asleep, which reminded Jack that he hadn’t told him yet. That they weren’t anything more than friends. No benefit.  
Jack adjusted himself on his bed and let his mind wander. From the first time he met Mark to last night’s events, which was still etched in his mind. He wasn’t sure what made him do that, what made him so confident. He’d never confronted something as much as he did then. Much less followed after something like that.  
It was like he was changing. But in a good way.  
A groan came from Dan’s bed, meaning that he was waking up, or maybe he was just tossing around in his sleep. Once Dan sat up, Jack averted his eyes. He didn’t want to look his direction. Maybe if he ignored him, Dan would get the picture.  
“Morning,” Dan said through a yawn. “Why’re you up?” He laughed. “What, are you waiting for me to get up or something?”  
“No,” Jack said, but to Dan, he probably sounded like he was trying to save face. Dan shrugged.  
“So how come you’re up?”  
“I’m waiting for Mark.” Dan paused for a second.  
“Oh.” Then he laughed it off. “Sorry, I just... Last night got a little bit crazed after you left.”  
“How?” From the arm around him? The question? From following Jack outside and pulling the stunt that almost ruined everything again?  
“Too much to drink.” Silence. “What’re you doing with Mark?”  
“We’re going out tonight.” Dan chuckled.  
“You’re up too early. You’ll have plenty of time to prepare.”  
“I’m fine with waiting.” This didn’t feel right. This was too awkward, and Jack felt a little more cautious than necessary. Dan shrugged, like he didn’t care.  
“Feel free to take a joint or something if you’re bored,” he said as he went into the bathroom. Jack didn’t move. He, for once, didn’t feel the need for a numbing narcotic. In fact, he felt like he wanted to quit. Suddenly, like a shock, the thought of smoking weed seemed to unease him. Like he would be letting everyone down because of it.  
Once Dan came back out of the shower dressed and sat down on his bed, the tension returned.  
“Jack...,” Dan began, then sighed. “You got home okay, right?” Jack nodded, playing along.  
“Yeah, Mark drove me,” Jack replied quietly. Dan nodded.  
“You really like him, don’t you?” That seemed to catch Jack slightly off guard. He couldn’t really pinpoint what tone Dan was speaking in, whether it was jealousy or encouragement. In truth, it sounded empty and like nothing. “Jack.”  
“I do,” Jack answered finally. Dan nodded again.  
“Good. You deserve that.” And Jack’s heart twisted in his chest. He deserved that. He deserved to like Mark, and he deserved Mark as a whole. He deserved these good things that came to him when he thought everyone was against him.  
He deserved the life he had.  
The day was going by too slowly. Dan left the dorm room, and Jack was stuck alone, waiting for night to hit, for Mark to start the date. The date. The word sounded foreign in his mind, and especially when he said it out loud. He had never gone on a date. And on a date with someone like Mark at that.  
So when it turned to six, Jack took it upon himself to get ready. A nice button up, jeans, a beanie he found buried in his drawers. He doubted they’d be going to a suit-and-tie type place, but he looked nice casual. Good enough for a decent restaurant, good enough to impress Mark. His date.  
As he tied his shoes, a knock came and Jack struggled to rush so he could answer it. On the other side was Mark, dressed in somewhat of the same fashion, minus the beanie and added instead with a blaser.  
“Hi,” Mark greeted.  
“Hi,” Jack responded. He didn’t know what to do or say. Mark did look nice, nicer than him. “You look really nice.” Mark grinned.  
“Thanks. You too.” He nodded his head to the hallway, ushering Jack to follow him.  
“Where’re we going?” Jack asked as they got outside. Mark chuckled.  
“You’re going to hate me for saying this, but it’s a surprise,” he said as he opened his car door. Jack chuckled back.  
“I’ll take a raincheck on hating you.”  
The ride to wherever Mark was taking them was silent. Jack found that it usually was like this, but it was nice. He didn’t really feel like he needed to speak, and he assumed Mark didn’t either. After fifteen minutes of silent travel, Jack did speak up.  
“God, Mark, how far are we going?” he asked with a grin.  
“We’re almost there, don’t worry,” Mark replied, giggling a bit. “I used to go to this place all the time when I lived over here.”  
“You lived where we’re going?”  
“Yeah. My mom is still living here, too.” Jack smiled more than he meant to. To have Mark bringing him to where some of his childhood took place felt...special, to say the least. As if he were getting a glimpse inside of Mark’s life. He would have loved nothing more than to show Mark where his childhood was, but that was far too long of a trip, and there wasn’t much to see but rain and field.  
“Are we here?” Jack asked as he noticed the car slowing to a stop on the curb.  
“That we are,” Mark said, getting out and rounding to the trunk. Jack got out of the car and watched as Mark pulled out a plastic bag. “I didn’t want to give it away. We’re having a mini picnic.” Jack giggled into his hand, because this was so cliché, and silly, and...exactly something Mark would think up, especially for a first date.  
“What’s in there?” Mark shrugged as he led them both to a grassy area in the park, which was dead empty, save for the animals nearby in the bushes and trees.  
“Chips, juice boxes, and I made sandwiches.” Mark held up a hand as he looked through the bag. “Oh, yeah, and some strawberries.” Jack laughed as he watched Mark sit down before he joined him. “Here.” Mark handed him a wrapped sandwich. “It’s, uh, egg salad. I hope that’s okay.”  
“No, it’s fine. I like egg salad.”  
“Also, uh, they’re just normal potato chips.”  
“You know my Irish roots so well.” Mark laughed at that as he pulled out the rest of the food. Jack opened the yellow bag and ate a chip, feeling slightly giddy. This felt personal, very personal. But not in the way others would think. This felt like only something Mark did for people he really liked. A picnic in a park late at night, and he felt special again. He wanted to feel guilty for it because it felt selfish of him to take all this in for himself, but he wouldn’t let the feeling progress. This was for him and Mark, and Mark was who he was sharing this with.  
“So, how come you moved to America for college?” Mark asked as he started eating his sandwich. Jack shrugged.  
“Don’t know,” he replied. “I mean, once I graduated, my parents asked me what I wanted to do, and I knew I wanted something technical, so they told me that America was the place to go. It was hell getting here, with all the process and papers. I didn’t argue, though, I’ve wanted to come here for a long time.”  
“Why?”  
“‘Cause it’s America, man! It’s a whole lot different, but you get sun and fun and all this other cool stuff. All I got a home is rain and potatoes.” Mark laughed. “What about you? I know I asked, but how come here?”  
“Closest to home, I guess. I didn’t want to leave my mom behind too much.”  
“That’s nice of you.” Mark nodded, taking another bite. Jack did the same.  
They talked for a long time. Childhood to where they were now. Jack mostly avoided the subject of how he hadn’t had much of anyone before. He was afraid Mark would pity him, which was something he didn’t want. He didn’t need pity, he was fine. He survived being alone, he could survive the rest of his life without pity.  
“I’m really glad you came to America, Jack,” Mark said after a few silent moments.  
“How come?” Jack replied.  
“I don’t know. It’s nice to be with you. I don’t feel like I need to be something.”  
“What’s that mean?” Mark shrugged, laying down.  
“I don’t know, I kind of feel like I’m acting all the time. I did it a lot during high school. I don’t have any of the same friends I did then compared to now. I mean, all those other guys are my friends, but... I don’t know, it’s weird.” Jack sighed and laid down with him.  
“Hey, I’m glad I came, too,” Jack said. Mark stifled a laugh. “Don’t you even, you know what I mean,” Jack chuckled.  
“No, I know.” Jack closed his eyes, then opened them. This was too good. But he didn’t care. Stars were above him, Mark was beside him, and he felt a hand slip into his.  
He was content.


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealousy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. This is the chapter with depictions of rape. Please do not read if you will be severely triggered by this content. xoxo

Ten more dates had happened. It was more than Jack could ever ask for. He would have been fine with five, or three, or just the one. But Mark wanted to treat him. He wanted to be with him, alone together. Jack wondered if maybe he really...  
It’s only been a couple months. But he liked him. A lot. Jack knew he couldn’t deny it. He really, really liked Mark. But it was too early for love. That’s kind of how it seemed, he guessed. No one falls in love within two months, ten dates, and a close-call on sex. Which made Jack wonder if they’d ever continue that bout.  
“Hey, Dan,” Jack greeted as he entered his dorm room. He started to wonder if maybe he should switch to moving into Mark’s dorm and Barry stick with Dan. “You skip again?”  
“Yeah,” Dan replied. His usual vegetative state, which had been going on for at least a month. It had become natural for Dan to skip classes and stay in the room by himself, getting high and sleeping off his depressive ways.  
“You want something from the fridge?” Jack strolled over to it and pulled open the door. “There’s...some leftover pizza. I’ll heat it for you.” Jack had come to realise that if Dan wouldn’t take care of himself, Jack would do it for him.  
“No, I’m not hungry, really,” Dan sighed. Jack looked at the freshly burnt-out blunt on Dan’s desk.  
“Well, you will be, so I’ll heat up all of it and leave you some. I’m hungry anyways, so...” Jack waited for Dan to protest, but it didn’t come, so Jack sighed and went through the process of heating up the leftover food. He watched the microwave spin, spin, spin, the timer going down until it reached zero. He took it out carefully and put it on his own desk. Four pieces, which he would leave Dan two of.  
“How was class?” Dan asked, though he seemed deeply uninterested and a little bit aggravated.  
“Fine,” Jack shrugged. “Did some tech stuff, same as last week. We’re still working on this one lesson, somehow.” Silence. Again. Which wouldn’t have bothered Jack if he was with Mark. With Dan, silence wasn’t a good sign. The past could vouch for that.  
“Looks like you’re having fun, then.” Jack nodded. He didn’t dare ask what was wrong for fear of a lash-out. Dan was known to be that way around him, whether it was because he was depressed or for another reason Jack didn’t want to think about. He let the first few letters invade his head before he blocked it out. He could be aware of it, but awareness was still too much for him because it still hurt.  
“I’m going to go out again tonight, alright?” Jack said. “With...,” he hesitated, “Mark.”  
“This is your eleventh date, right?” Dan asked. Jack blinked.  
“Uh... I guess...” Jack paused. “Have you been counting?”  
“I noticed.” Jack has been counting, though he was sure that at one point he wouldn’t need to. “Every time you go out with Mark, you tell me.” Why had Dan been counting?  
“Why are you counting?” Jack asked, because somehow this felt invasive. Dan said nothing. He looked nervous, like he knew he had done something he shouldn’t have. Which meant that Dan could count all he wanted, but knowing that he was put him on edge. The word he didn’t want to think about came like a smack to his face, and he desperately forced himself to not say it out loud.  
“Have fun,” Dan said finally, turning over and covering himself up with blankets. Jack ignored everything else after that, and especially Dan. He didn’t want to deal with any part of him that night. He didn’t need the stress.  
Jack walked outside at around six pm, finding Mark waiting at his car.  
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Mark asked immediately as he saw Jack biting his lip.  
“What?” Jack said. He hadn’t really been paying attention. Dan’s counting was still on his mind, the word was still on his mind.  
“Are you okay, ‘cause...we don’t have to do much if you don’t want to.” Jack shook his head, trying to get back into his senses.  
“No, it’s just...,” he started, wondering if he should lie, then deciding, “Dan. I don’t know what to do about it. He won’t eat or go to class. All he does is sleep and smoke. Just gets me worried is all.” He wasn’t going to say the word. It didn’t feel appropriate.  
“Well...okay,” Mark said, hugging him and kissing his cheek. “But tonight, you don’t have to worry about any of that. It’s a fun date, so let’s have fun.” Jack giggled as Mark started to mack on him more.  
“Mark, Mark!” he laughed, pushing him off. “Calm yourself, we haven’t even gotten in the car yet.” Mark laughed loudly and detached himself, going to the driver’s side, Jack to the passenger’s.  
“Have you thought about learning to drive?” Mark asked. Jack shrugged.  
“Don’t know,” he replied. “You didn’t need to drive much in Ireland.”  
“Speaking of that wonderful place you’re from, your accent hasn’t gone at all.” Jack grinned and let out a chuckle.  
“My Irish blood stays intact!” He pumped a fist into the air and Mark pulled out of the driveway, laughing again as he drove them off to their next date.  
Jack had completely forgotten about Dan and school and everything he was worried about. Mark did that to him because he was safe to be around. He helped show him new things, and Jack did the same. They spent time together like adults, with little childish things thrown in here and there. Jack didn’t really want to admit it, but it was almost as if they were married. As if they had known each other for so long that the time didn’t matter anymore. Jack hoped Mark saw the same in him as Jack saw in Mark. The smile, the personality, the crazy weird things Mark can do. His interests and hobbies, everything. Jack was enamoured with everything to do with Mark. He was lucky enough to experience it firsthand rather than from afar.  
As it neared nine pm, Jack wondered how long they could stay out. That’s when he remembered he needed to check on Dan. Not that he really needed to, but he wanted to. He wanted to make sure Dan was alright.  
“Okay, you ready?” Mark asked. Jack shrugged. “Is it about Dan again?” Mark was taking a stab in the dark.  
“Kind of,” Jack admitted. “I’m worried, but at the same time, not.”  
“It’s okay if you are. We’ve been out for nearly three hours.” Jack laughed.  
“Not like the first time. That was, what? Six hours?”  
“About.” They laughed together. “I think I have to study anyways.”  
“At this time?”  
“Yeah. I have to crunch, I have a test tomorrow.” Jack shrugged again.  
“Alright, let’s go.” Mark set a bill on the table they were sat at, Jack insisting he pay some of it and the tip. Mark loved to spoil, sure, but Jack was careful to make sure he was holding up an equality between them every now and then. Jack made a note to spoil Mark next time, as a payback joke.  
The drive back was their usual comfortable silence. Jack closed his eyes and listened. He could hear the car move, the faintness of the radio, Mark’s little hums to the music and his breathing. He could’ve sworn he heard a heartbeat from across the car, and he grinned. He was alive and so was Mark and this was very real. The noise told him everything.  
“Goodnight,” Jack said as they reached Mark’s dorm.  
“You know, I usually walk you back,” Mark said. Jack hugged him.  
“Consider this my way of saying thanks.” Mark pulled back.  
“For what?”  
“A lot. Mostly just for being alive.” Mark laughed.  
“Thank you, too.” Mark kissed him, long and passionately. “Goodnight,” he said as he pulled away.  
“Night,” Jack grinned. He stepped back to let Mark go inside his room with a little wave, Jack waving back. The dorms seemed silent. It was a class day for most, so he assumed everyone was asleep or studying. He hoped Mark did well on the test he had the next day. Which reminded him to study in a few days because he had a similar test for his English class.  
Jack opened his dorm room door slowly and quietly, looking for signs of life. When he saw none, he closed it and saw Dan laying on his bed, seemingly asleep. Jack sighed and took his jacket off, along with his beanie. As he turned to take off his jeans and shoes, he saw the lights flicker on.  
“You’re back,” Dan said. Jack, midway undressing his bottom half, paused.  
“Yeah,” Jack said. “Sorry, I thought...you were asleep.”  
“No.” Dan’s voice was hard and cold. Jack considered going back to Mark, but he would seem suspicious. And it seemed like it would give Dan the wrong idea.  
“Did I wake you up?”  
“No.” One word answers shouldn’t have made Jack feel unsafe, but it did. It was the tone. The atmosphere. The hanging of Dan’s head as it faced the floor.  
“Well, I’m just going to get undressed really quick and go to bed, alright?” Jack said as he kicked off his jeans and pulled off his socks. He was about to get into his bed when he felt a hand on his shoulder. “What-” was all he could say before Dan pressed hard lips onto his, pulling him close and forcefully. Jack pushed him off. “Dan, what the hell are you do-” Dan moved in again, with one hand travelling everywhere it could. Jack pushed again. “Dan!”  
“Why don’t you like me?” Dan screamed. “Why him and not me?” Jack looked around.  
“Dan, be quiet, people are sleeping!” he whisper-yelled back. Dan balled up his fists. “This isn’t the time to talk about this, ok-” Another cut off, but this time Dan managed to push him down onto his bed angrily, climbing on top. Jack was on the verge of tears. This could not be happening, this wasn’t right, he didn’t want this. He opened his mouth to scream as loud as he could, but Dan beat him to it and covered his mouth. Jack was screaming into his hand, but he doubted it was loud enough for anyone to hear but himself. He felt Dan’s other hand grope at his crotch, then at the hem of his boxers.  
This was not happening. Jack’s arms were pinned down underneath him, and no matter how much he moved, Dan’s grip was tight.  
He watched as Dan took off his sweatpants. He saw the scars.  
He watched as his own boxers were pushed down. He felt the fear.  
He closed his eyes as he tried to move and kick and scream. He felt tears stain his cheeks.  
He felt pain. Again and again and again, and it wouldn’t stop. Dan’s groans, the hand on his face, becoming tighter and tighter until it felt like he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t want to.  
He cried. He cried until even crying hurt. He was in far too much pain. That’s all he felt.  
Pain. In his mind, in his body, everything hurt.  
He opened his eyes for a moment, and everything hurt more. The lights illuminating his pain. The sounds increasing his pain. He wanted to pass out, but he couldn’t.  
He was stuck in this pain.  
Again.  
Again and again and again and again... Pain, pain, pain, pain...  
Even when he was alone, even when the door closed, he was in pain. He was frozen with tears and sounds and pain.  
He closed his eyes.  
No more..., he thought.  
No more pain...


	12. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly, yes, this chapter has depictions and implications of rape as well. Don't read if you will be severely triggered. xoxo

Jack didn’t see Mark for a month. Not a word, or a text, or a letter. Dan made sure of that. He had control. He had Jack in his sights at all times, but that wasn’t Jack’s concern. He was afraid to leave. He didn’t want to be hurt. He was stuck playing this game, this puzzle, Dan had forced him into.  
One month since the abuse. He didn’t like the word for what had happened to him, even when it happened again. And again. And again.  
Even when he felt nothing but pain again. And again. And again.  
“Wait out here for me when class is over,” Dan told him when they stopped at Jack’s tech room. Jack nodded slowly. He felt Dan press his lips to his cheek, but it didn’t feel good. It didn’t feel reassuring, or loving, or protective. It felt like ownership.  
Jack looked up and that’s when he saw. Mark. Looking his way, about to approach. Jack turned and went into his class, leaving the painful look on Mark’s face to its fate.  
Jack didn’t pay attention anymore. His professor knew that enough to ask him after class.  
“Sean- Sorry, Jack, why aren’t you interested in the lessons anymore?” she asked. Jack shrugged. “Is it something outside of class?” Shrug. “Well, your next test is coming up, I just want to make sure you know the material.” Jack nodded. “Well, here, I’ll give you today’s lesson and you can look it over. Just make sure-”  
“Sean!” a voice called from the door. Jack took the papers.  
“Sorry, I have to...go,” he said begrudgingly, rushing away quickly to Dan, who was standing with a curious look on his face.  
“What were you talking to her about?” Dan asked. There was that tone again. The suspicion. Jack held up his papers.  
“The...lesson plan,” Jack muttered quietly. He didn’t ever dare speak loudly like he usually would. And he didn’t ever dare lie.  
“Okay. Good. Let’s go.” Dan grabbed his hand loosely in the midst of other students and led them out of the school building and into where their dorm was in the corresponding building. Up a set of stairs and Jack was faced again with fear. He only felt fear then, only when he had to go through the abuse again. Before, during, after. It still hurt, but he gave in because he was left with no other choice.  
The door closed behind them. Dan turned around.  
“I love it when we’re alone,” is all he said before he kissed Jack long and deep and forceful. Like every time. Jack closed his eyes. He didn’t need them open to know what was happening. He felt himself being moved, and his back fell down onto what he assumed was his bed. He never responded. “Kiss me back, Sean,” was Dan’s next line, something Jack hadn’t heard Dan say yet. Dan pulled off. “This isn’t one-sided anymore.” His voice got deeper and angrier. “Kiss me back.” Dan leaned in again. Jack did as he was told.  
He wanted to die. He wanted to die and never come back.  
He watched Dan take off his jeans. Saw the scars again.  
He watched Dan take off his own shorts. Felt the fear again.  
Pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain.  
He let tears fall out and Dan’s hand covered his mouth to cease his cries of pain. To cease all noise but Dan’s and the bed’s.  
He couldn’t do this, but he couldn’t move. He didn’t want to take it, he didn’t want anything, he didn’t-  
“Dan!” a loud, booming, screaming voice burst out as the dorm room door slammed open. The movement stopped. Jack was still crying. Dan was breathing onto him heavily. The hand on his face tightened and nails dug into his skin, leaving red marks.  
Jack felt Dan’s weight removed and heard yelling, hitting, screaming. He didn’t move.  
“911?” the same voice said. “Yes, it’s an emergency. I need to report a rape.” More words followed. Jack cried loudly. He heard police sirens from outside the window. Footsteps. More yelling. Someone picking him up from where he lay and pulling up his shorts and carrying him away from Dan, the room, the building, the college. All the way to a police car in the backseat, where he sat and cried again as they drove him away somewhere that wasn’t where he had been secluded for two months.  
An hour had passed. Jack didn’t know who called the police. He sat in a room with a woman in a police uniform.  
“What’s your name?” she asked. He didn’t answer. She nodded. “Here, can you write it down?” She passed him a notepad and a pencil. He took it and wrote ‘Jack’ on the paper. “Alright.” She sighed. “Jack... Can you tell me what happened?” Jack closed his eyes and set down the pencil. “If you do, the police department will do everything in its power to help you.” Jack nodded.  
“He abused me,” Jack decided to say. He still didn’t like the word.  
“Abused you how?”  
“He...” Jack didn’t know how to say it. He stifled his tears.  
“Okay, it’s okay. Your friend that brought you in gave his statement. Do you want to hear what he said?” Jack nodded. It was easier than him talking. The woman reached for a folder and pulled out a piece of paper from it and began reading. “He said that he was suspicious of yours and your abuser’s actions, and went to your college dorm room to see. When he heard noise, he barged in and said he witnessed you were being raped by your abuser. He said he helped get the abuser off of you, and then he called 911.” The woman stopped there for a moment.  
“Who brought me here?” Jack asked.  
“He said his name was Barry Kramer.” Barry. Of course Barry. Always Barry. “Can you tell me what you remember?”  
“I...,” Jack paused. “From the beginning?”  
“If you’d like. It would help.” Jack took a deep breath.  
“Two months ago...I came home from a date with my boyfriend. Dan was there and he...forced me to have sex with him. I couldn’t do anything because he had already hurt me in the past... I knew what he was capable of. After that...he didn’t let me see my boyfriend again. Then he didn’t let me leave on my own. Then he...took all my stuff and hid it away, and it was like he was claiming me.” Jack watched as the woman wrote all this down. “And... All those two months, I was...,” he hesitated, “raped. By Dan.” Jack took another deep breath. “And then, you know what happened just today.” The woman nodded.  
“Thank you, Jack,” she said. “Now, I’m going to say a number, and you tell me if that number is higher or lower than the amount of times you’ve been...abused. Can you do that?” Jack nodded. “Ten.” Jack sighed.  
“Higher.”  
“Fifteen.” Jack caught himself in his throat.  
“Higher.” The woman pressed her lips together.  
“...Thirty.” Jack closed his eyes.  
“...Higher...,” he managed to choke out.  
“Okay, I think that’s all we need for now. I’ll take you back out to your friend, you can wait there.” Jack didn’t speak, but he followed the woman out of the room and through hallways and past doors until he saw the front doors.  
“Jack,” a voice said, and then he felt arms wrap around him. He didn’t cry anymore. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner, but I just... When I saw you walk away from me and then go to Dan, I got worried, and- and so I made Barry check and then-” The voice cut itself off. “You’ll get through this, Jack. Don’t worry.” Jack cried then. He hadn’t felt care in a long, treacherous, torturous while.  
He wasn’t sure who was caring about him. But he was glad somebody cared, at least.  
“Jack?” someone else said. The arms around him detached.  
“What?” he asked. He saw the woman from earlier.  
“So, we have your attacker in custody. He’s been detained and taken care of. So you have no worry about being attacked by him again.” Jack nodded. “After some papers, you’re free to be released and go back home.” Jack nodded again. The woman handed him two papers.  
“Do you need help?” the voice asked.  
“No, I can manage,” Jack said quietly, sitting down with his pencil and paper and filling out everything, down to the last detail. He wasn’t keen on talking anymore. He gave his story. He was done.  
Jack gave the papers to the woman. He kept his vision to the ground, towards his feet, disheveled sneakers and dirty jeans. He looked at his hands. Calloused from the first times fighting. Unclean with long, uneven fingernails, dirt underneath where he tried to dig his way out from the pain. Long sleeves to cover his arms. They hadn’t asked him about any other pain he had gone through, but they’d find out on his papers.  
“Jack,” the voice said slowly, “let’s go home.” That was his name, wasn’t it? Not Sean, or baby, or fucktoy, or asshole. Not slut, whore, bitch. Jack.  
“Mark,” Jack said, looking up at him, knowing the world around him was still turning and moving, “let’s go.”


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, folks! That's all he wrote! No more chapters by me, but plenty of headway for you guys to do what you wish with it. Sorry for all the heartbreak I put you through. But hey, I had to do it. I'm sadistic like that. Safety, jealousy, and pain. xoxo

Jack never fully recovered. Not completely. He could handle loneliness like a professional introvert at this point. Invasion of privacy was like a touch to his shoulder. Words didn’t hurt him. Even six months later, he didn’t feel much of anything anymore.  
“Jack, do you...not want to do this?” Mark asked him one day. Jack sat up from his bed, in his and now Mark’s room. The college caught wind of what happened. Barry moved into a different room with an Australian student.  
“What, do what?” Jack replied, genuinely confused. But his words sounded sarcastic without meaning to. He couldn’t get emotion back into his phrases like before.  
“Do you want to stop dating is what I’m saying.”  
“You... Why? I thought everything was okay...” Jack could catch disbelief easily. He had to look at it every morning in the mirror for two months. “What’s wrong with our relationship, Mark?” Mark clasped his hands together.  
“Will you let me talk about it?” Jack hesitated. When Mark said ‘it’ that way, he was asking for permission about it. To refer to it. To think about it.  
“Fine.”  
“Ever since Dan, the police station, your arms, you’re just not...interested anymore. In anything. Not me, or classes. Food, sleep, and shelter are all uninteresting.” Mark held up a hand. “I’m not saying you’re broken. You’re not.”  
“I know.”  
“You never saw a therapist or anything. You didn’t talk to anyone.”  
“I told the police, it was enough for me. I don’t like living through it in my mind.”  
“The police don’t relate to you emotionally, Jack. They take what you give them to stop the problem. They don’t really tell you how to recover.”  
“No, but I’m still here, aren’t I?” Mark shook his head disapprovingly.  
“You’re not. Your body is clear as day, but your head went somewhere else. The Jack I met flew away and got replaced with some emotionless version. It’s robotic.” Jack’s heard this from Barry, too. And his classes. But above all, he told himself this nearly every week. He was a robot. Emotionless, mindless, machine.  
“So I’m broken,” Jack said. Mark rubbed his eyes.  
“No, that’s not what I’m saying-”  
“It’s what I’m saying.” Jack sat up to face Mark properly. “Look, I know. I’m robotic all the time. I sound sarcastic. I don’t try to, it’s just...” Jack didn’t want to say it.  
“What?” Jack shook his head and leaned back again.  
“Nothing, you know. I don’t need to say.” Mark stood up.  
“Jack, I’m being serious,” he urged, his voice raising. “What?” Jack ran a hand through his hair and stood up, anger coursing through, hands clenched, ready to fight instead of become a submissive robot again.  
“Because it just hurts!” Jack yelled, loud and clearly enough for rooms three doors down to hear. Jack looked down to his feet, his voice lowering. “It just hurts, okay?” He looked back up. “Was that enough for you?” he asked sarcastically, this time on purpose. Mark stared at him. Just standing. He couldn’t tell if Mark was happy or upset or tired. He just went blank, blank until Mark’s face was just a blank pallet. No eyes or nose or mouth. Empty white canvas.  
There wasn’t much left to say. Jack laid back down on his bed, facing away from Mark to count the bumps in the white wall. He reached forty before he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
“I’m sorry,” Mark said.  
“It’s not your fault,” Jack said, picking at the paint. “It’s no one’s fault, I guess. I just...don’t like to feel anything. All of it just reminds me.” Mark squeezed his shoulder.  
“You want to sleep or something, then?” Mark asked. Jack bit his lip.  
“Will you stay over here with me?” Jack waited for a response. He was met with the bed sinking a little further, and he turned around to stare at the ceiling. Mark’s hand found its way to Jack’s, and once it each other’s grip, Jack did feel something. For the first time in a long time.  
He felt safe. Mark always gave off that vibe.


End file.
